Brian King

a fat guy putting velvet underground on when he injects himself with ozempic to feel cool

in france they call a furburger a royale with cheese

I’ve never gotten the Wordle because I just guess ‘Jesus’ every time, and will continue to do so until the New York Times gets the message

here’s a topical joke for social media lol

smoking on that shit that made chris lame

barista just said “dopio, friend!” (dope-io?) after I paid, never going back there

stealing at self checkout is hack, just walk out with a full ass cart like a man

“I’m thinking something that looks like the waffle house logo, a Coca Cola ripoff, and then something with peaches :)” - small business owners in georgia having a moment of brilliance

damn I loved gangsta boo, this is so sad, rip, in 2013 I probably smoked like a pound of mids listening to this over and over with my friends in gainesville youtu.be/fd3MuK6-W5k

Facebook algorithm in 2010: you liked the pulp fiction page so here are some ads for a wallet that says “bad mother fucker” Tik tok algorithm in 2022: the Chinese have analyzed my micro-facial-expressions while they show me videos of disabled people doing the griddy

boss level coexist sticker

@nateowenscomedy Bro no lie I got in what felt like very big trouble in pre school for doing my interpretation of the dirty bird

@EricTrillman_ I always thought it was supposed to be a gritty version of “frosty the snowman” for people who’s parents got divorced or something idk never saw it

Is Jack Frost based on something? Or were niggas just sitting around one day like “yo what if Michael Keaton died and came back as the Brisk snowman?”

I’m featuring

the power went out while my girlfriend isn’t home and part of me just wants the power to come back on, but another, bigger part of me wants the power to stay off at least until she gets home so she has to deal with this too and see what a brave big boy I am

before smoking weed: man I don’t know if I even feel anything when I smoke anymore, does it do anything or am I just trying to feel normal again? after smoking: whoever named book class “language arts” went off ngl

can’t spell cute without cte

imagine getting smoked by the hamburglar

getting escorted out of chic fil a for ordering a chicken sandwich “the ocky way”