Tim Siedell

It's awful that those other chipmunks force Alvin to wear an A on his sweater just because he's an adulterer.

Sorry, this Spirit Airlines news sucks. I almost had enough reward miles to punch a pilot.

My grandmas’s nursing home doesn’t mess around on Arbor Day. You better have your tree planted by 3:14 or face swift, unflinching justice.

Just change the name from the Strait of Hormuz to the Strait of America. Checkmate.

Man was not meant to monitor this many situations.

Patiently sitting here, waiting for just one of my AI agents to say they’re proud of me.

Pretty obvious the entire clown industry is in the pocket of Big Shoes.

Punxsutawney Phil is mentioned 518 times in the Epstein files.

Some of us freestyle climb to the top of the Taipei tower and don’t make a big deal of it

@AlanBarrett36 Ha!

@badbanana Old Badbanana looking at your new Badbanana

Nothing beats kicking back with a cold beer after a long and productive day of doomscrolling.

Assembling a team to steal a baby hippo.

my brain at three a.m. trying to form the perfect comeback for a conversation that happened fifteen years ago

I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.

Everyone be extra nice to America today, this could be her final birthday. 🇺🇸

when you’re finishing up in the self-checkout lane and the screen asks how much you want to tip

Fun drinking game for tonight’s presidential debate: start drinking now and pass out before the debate.

Been a rough day. At least it’s Friday.

I’ve been on Twitter since 2007. I know why.

Walked down to the river to reconnect with nature.

Me every Arbor Day