Crisis Sardonicus

Just a guy eating tacos in his car by himself in a strange city on Valentine’s Day

Got a happy Valentine’s Day text today? It’s a scam. Grow up.

If you take a call on public transportation you deserve some sort of jail time

@Mishtakes21 you deserve it mami 👑

@BadBoy_IMG and I’m the queen

It’s like they collected the worst women from every corner of the world and just put them in Houston.

@BadBoy_IMG Oop

Follow for more advice

Guys, please normalize ripping ass on the first date. If she can’t handle your fart, she cant handle your heart

Falling asleep for 13 min on the couch at 8pm might be the perfect sleep schedule did I ever think about that why am I trying to force myself to sleep 7 hours???

The sexual tension between me and driving 140mph into a guard rail is at an all time high

>90% of your relationship problems wouldn’t exist if you dated people that actually liked you. Cheating? They don’t like you. Too busy to contact you? They don’t like you. Acting nonchalant? They don’t like you. Not putting in effort? They. Don’t. Like. You.

Pretty girl with big bug eyes lookalike contest soon!!!!! DM for details

If UPS has a million enemies, I am one of them. If UPS has 1 enemy, it is me. If UPS has no enemies, I am die

@ExhaustedPA_S Hope you feel better soon iA 🤲🏼

@allspicemed She had 6 husbands and you can’t even get a text back???? *insert disturbed ponytail girl here*

love seeing women in male dominated fields

finally uninstalled duolingo

@BadBoy_IMG using my trademark gif against me is a crime btw

Can’t wait to see which lucky coworker gets this secret Santa gift

@BadBoy_IMG like that

@allspicemed like what

@BadBoy_IMG why did u wrap it like that