Belle Is A Mom

on my way to girls night ready to torpedo the vibe by getting emotional about how beautiful female friendship is

I’m into women that stand up for themselves.

cleaned out a flower bed and thought about anticipatory grief for about an hour

I might be a little rude and sarcastic but i'd do everything for the people i love

Cop ~ Sir have you been drinking? Me ~ Well I just took my niece and her teenage friends to Hot Topic Cop ~ Ok you're free to go.

i always text like i’m a little drunk because I’m too lazy to correct any typo

If you tell my 6yo not to do something he makes that thing his entire personality.

*clutching a 20% off coupon, crying* bed bath and into the great beyond

You don't know anger until you forget to ask for a receipt so your wife can scan it into her receipt points app.

i don’t care who you are, we all deserve that “i just called to hear your voice because i missed you” kind of love

sure sex is great but have you ever had someone appreciate your music recommendations

The older I get the more stipulations I have before I attend a social event.

Just drinking an old fashion outside watching rival dad mow his lawn. Waiting to point out any spots he misses.

when I said I’m always up for anything I meant yesterday

"What was that guy thinking that he could trap Hannibal Lecter and feed him to his pigs? I mean come on now. Hannibal Lecter got him to eat his own skin. Come on." ~ actual angry thought I had the other day

Do you ever feel like walking out into the ocean as deep as you can still touch bottom?

Just when I thought Bean Dad went out for cigarettes and was never coming back.

The devastating effects of climax change.

That Steven Crowder video reminds me of Sleeping with the Enemy.