Ben Kochan

My stand up album is out! I'd love you to give it a listen! open.spotify.com/album/2aqnYMlk…

How did I sleep last night? Let's just say I was in charge of salad and sausages cause I was tossing and turning!

I'm a tennis coach so I don't have a big net worth but I do know how much nets are worth

If I had a time machine I'd go back in time and find a cafe that has soup so I can find out the soup of the day of the day

Hoping the people at the airport can’t tell the difference between a neck pillow and a haemorrhoid cushion

People think the only two options are fight or flight but theres a third one. It's fight, flight or get a quick petition going with enough signatures to convince the guy who's trying to bash you that he shouldn't do it.

Bart Simpson said “eat my shorts!” I personally hope you eat UP my shorts, YouTube shorts that is.

Good news! I had the footage of my vasectomy graded to be in black and white and it's now getting produced by a24 films!

I wish I could find a two step ladder that would make me as happy as this couple!

I got a save the date from an autistic friend recently. He's not having a wedding he just really likes the look of the date and thinks I should save it.

@TheMildWest @lbcfc0 hahah terrible technique!

@lbcfc0 @BenKochan dude needs to just chill out and relax! Tired of seeing old person doing things!

He’s fucking crap

Some people think their life’s a movie I think mines an infomercial for diahhroea medication

I don’t do nangs I just get up from a bean bag real quick

I've got vertigo cause I was conceived in a revolving restaurant

Another 007 movie!!

I can't click the "I'm not a robot" button till I've had my morning coffee!!

Using one of those floss picks feels like I’m playing the violin on my gums

Developing a hunchback so the angel and devil on my shoulders can use it as a shared verandah

I haven't done any comedy on cruise ships but I have had a few people laugh at me on my pool noodle in the public pool

I got kicked out of a psychic mediums house for counting tarot cards. I was signalling to people "we got a hot deck here"

I’m gonna be the first person to get CTE from doing the dodgem cars too much