Big Sam

Crystal Palace? Do I fucking have to?

@IcelandFoods I'm up shit creek and the paddle is broke. I have nothing to lose.

@IcelandFoods I'm all ears?

Follow back @JobsiteUK ?

Currently listening to: Justin Bieber - Is it too late now to say sorry.

My record as England manager Games: 1, Wins: 1, Win Ratio: 100% I'm the greatest England manager to ever exist!

Follow back @FA? I'm sorry

Of course I took bungs over the years. You think I picked Michael Ricketts every week out of choice?

Anyone know any decent lawyers? I'm asking for a friend.

Can't wait to walk this group then get knocked out in the second round at the World Cup. My plan is coming together

Thank fuck for that. I'd fell asleep.

Fuck this I'm putting Harry Kane back on corners

Oi @petercrouch pick that phone up. There's a captains armband here waiting for you.

Working with players like Danny Rose and Ryan Bertrand will be a breeze. When you've coached the likes of Ricardo Gardener it comes easy

Quick update: Still not tracked down Michael Ricketts but it won't be long now, I have Greg Dyke on the case.

Have the decorators in at the FA today sorting out my office. They are installing my 10ft signed Ivan Campo poster

The last thing I said to Lee Cattermole was "Don't worry Lee, I'll make your England dream a reality" Eric Dier will be dissapointed.

Long text conversation with Kevin Davies this morning but I'm getting somewhere. He's the man to lead the line in Russia for me.

Intense talks this morning between the Nigerian and England embassy. Hoping to change Jay Jay Okocha's nationality to English.