Billy Club

Sorry about all the mean shit I said when I was right

@danawhite why is the broadcast in FUCKING SPANISH TODAY DANA WHY?????????

I feel like there’s 15 times as many dumbasses today as there was in the 90’s

Don't you just hate it when everything

If you squint just right, you can make the moon look like Marilu Henner.

"Whose pussy is this?" is actually a pretty common question down at the Fleshlight factory.

“Here take some tomatoes. I have tons, take as much as you want.” -people that grow tomatoes

Actions speak louder than some other bullshit.

According to the weather, "precipitation is possible after 1pm." But in reality, anything is possible after 1pm

Stop checking your phone every minute , nobody misses you.

I haven’t done my taxes sober since 1994

Scott is my favorite asswipe.

I would like the porterhouse, medium rare, and the lady will have whatever she is about to tell you she wants.

My IQ test results are back. They're negative.

I’m a day trader. Just yesterday I traded the other half of my Italian sub to a homeless guy for a full release massage.

….these motherfuckers. *me, when I look around at my coworkers

You misspelled "I” again.

I try to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder to find any.

Maybe it's the microplastics talking, but I feel like today might be a good day.

I'll be happy to come over and check your oil. When I'm done I'll check it in your car, too.

Had a chick look at my package this morning and ask me if it was a small delivery.