eed ohnson

@oldking420 My dad wears this glasses

Jacque Enough

Shall I compare thee to a kiss from a rose on the grey

Hunter/Garcia, Simon/Garfunkel, Lennon/Chapman, Morrissey/Marr

@hopepm_ Add -areeno to all of them

Casing my own house for the last two years

🎶they got a name for the winners of this world, hey I want a name when I lose, they call Alabama the crimson tide, call me dr. poo🎶

Eating asparagus, washing it down with marshmallows

@iegates @spritebody If it isn’t students vs teachers, then it’s gotta be teachers vs students

@BleedEJohnson @spritebody "just kidding, haha, you all pass" *fingers crossed behind back* whispering: actually... only 10% of you 😈 thinking: wow FUCK THESE KIDS!!! 4 min til tha bell rings.. cant wait

@iegates @spritebody Oh you gotta know we’re pulling these gags at ‘Top’ university

@BleedEJohnson @spritebody everyone raise your hands, look to your left. if you deserve to be here, put one hand down. ok if you "think" you 'ought' to be here, look to your right. now please rise if you 'should' be here... wow, ok so you might know I'm in the Graduate School here at Top University,

@iegates @spritebody I’m taking their lead, calling an impromptu last class session to roast my students, then finish with “I’m sorry if this hurts but it’s my job”

@spritebody seems like they think people who arent able to be in college should have the opportunity, which is fine (of course ideally nobody should be at Top University) but they really just wanna say that they think their students are stupid lmao Amazing Teacher Ahead

Jesus was “resurrected” but all that seemed to mean is that you had to buy his book to hear him speak

@_witch_valley I get the job because I introduce myself as Krist

Yes or no

Just like how if ur names smith ur ancestors worked in a smithy, my last names Johnson cuz my ancestors worked in a dick sucking factory

Can you imagine if the nazis had picked a pizza slice as their symbol

Dr moriarty dr mengele dr Phil

Did Jesus have the Oedipus complex