@KitsuraNines , I literally told the truth, and yet you laugh. It’s true you all told me what was going to happen, and yet the others have still been nicer than this. Lying and manipulating? I see. Being mad about how things worked in the past is wild. I never commented on how 'big' you were; I was congratulating you. I was in a place where I simply asked for help due to my mental situation, and you can’t even recognize the person standing right in front of you. I never used you in the past hell, I even defend you on stream and in clips. I wouldn't talk shit about you in private group chats. You know nothing about how it really was. You were of no benefit to me other than your friendship, and I tried to ask for that back a foolish endeavor, clearly. Telling others to steer clear is just another 'great' idea to ruin my life further. How fun for you. In the beginning of all this the right leaning Vtubers and the rest of that circle warned me about leaving. They saw exactly where this was headed and told me to watch my back, but I was too stubborn to listen to them. I thought I knew better. I thought I could navigate all these different groups and keep everyone happy, but I ignored the red flags that everyone else was pointing out. Whether they were left or right, they all saw the collision coming. It’s a bitter pill to swallow knowing that people I used to call friends people I dismissed as being 'dramatic' or 'biased' actually had my best interests at heart. I was so busy trying to prove everyone wrong that I ended up proving them all right. @itsShyver , it’s true we never spoke. I was simply apologizing for past mean behavior and letting bygones be bygones. Guilt trip my ass; it was the truth. If your head wasn't so buried, maybe you could actually understand what I was saying to you. But that’s fine. It wasn't an attempt to 'weasel' back in; I actually tried to make friends again because very few people even interact with me anymore. It’s wild that no one can see that. Then she goes and makes an accusation with no merit just another baseless opinion from a girl who doesn't get it. You call me a sociopath, and yet you said you never even got to know me? How would you know? I sent you one DM, and granted, it was very kind. It was a foolish endeavor to even try making amends with the likes of this group. To say an apology isn't genuine is up to your own interpretation, but to smear me like that is wild. Maybe try caring for someone outside of yourself for once. @HydeSynister , when you wrote this, do you understand how batshit insane it looks? You claim I used posts of your dead mother and wrote about my dead grandmother just to get back into your good graces or your community? You seriously lack any brain cells or forethought. No, I am not trying to 'make my way to the other side.' I am simply trying to have friends again instead of being ostracized by everyone. @PsychroVT , who are you? You matter less than the dirt on my shoe. Why would you know anything about me or anything I do? 'Only things that benefit me,' huh? I see. And yet, what have I truly gained from being friends with anyone other than heartache and pain? Yet again, the moron speaks without knowing a single thing about the situation. I am no bigot. I don't hate people for who they are. I simply wanted to make amends because I had a turning point in my life, and I wanted to try to fix things with everyone I’ve wronged in the past. But you nutjobs can't even understand what a sincere, mutual attempt looks like. You all deserve each other. I’ll go elsewhere, where people actually care about me as I care for them. I will not play this game anymore right or left. I am not political, and this social identity politics is ridiculous. I am just a man who plays video games online, streams, and talks with friends. That is all I ever wanted. It’s wild that you all blow this up every time I do anything. Does everything I do HAVE TO BE DRAMA? @nyaraVT , @whooith , @veryultraviolet , @ravinenox you may hate them, but they treated me so well and then I messed up like always do and I self admit it was my fault I self ruined my friendships with them. Damn even @dollfeather tried to warn me and I didn't listen to her either no not to anyone because I am so damn stubborn. What I am saying is the reality is that the left wing Vtuber community didn't just cast me aside; they actually stepped up and tried to help me when I was at my lowest. They gave me advice, they offered me their time, and they tried to guide me toward a better path when I was spiraling. They saw the human being behind the screen even when I was making it difficult for them to stay. People want to paint them as the enemy, but they were the ones actually reaching out while I was too stubborn to listen. I pushed away the very people who were trying to keep me from falling on my face, and I have to live with that. It wasn't their 'politics' that guided them it was their decency, and I’m the one who blew it. If I really wanted to be vindictive, I could have been. I have plenty of things I could have said or used against the left wing Vtubers to make them look just as bad, but I chose not to. Even after they left and everything went south, I cared about them too much to go low. I’m not interested in ruining people I once called friends, regardless of how they’re treating me now. My loyalty didn't just shut off because the friendship ended. I held my tongue out of respect for what we had, even if they don't have that same respect for me anymore. That’s the difference between us I actually give a damn about the people I let into my life. Hell this applies to the right wing tubers also I STRICTLY remember @Ava_Ayama and @halloflostdolls getting made and me playing defense for my former friends even after they left its because I actually give a damn about people not just their actions. Now, when I turned over a new leaf to the right and tried to make amends for past mistakes, none of y'all did anything but get upset and use it for clout. You all should be ashamed of yourselves. I hate all this drama. Even when I just wanted to be left alone and tried to be nice, good, and apologize, everyone sees me and says, 'Better not let that guy around.' Holding things against me that have no context is bullshit. I am not doing this 'left or right' thing anymore. No way. If you’re a 'left wing wokie,' I will accept you with open arms. If you’re a 'right wing chud,' I’ll accept you too. I ain’t playing this game with anybody anymore. You can be trans, you can be gay, or you can be a drug addict I will sit and talk with you no matter what. I simply miss my friends and I lost everyone to my own fault and I am trying to move past all that sincerely and I will be with people who see it not people who just want to cause drama I am much to tired for this anymore. At the end of the day, I’m done auditioning for your forgiveness. I’ve laid my cards on the table, I’ve admitted where I screwed up, and I’ve reached out with a hand that wasn't trying to take anything just to reconcile. If you want to keep twisting that into some grand conspiracy or a play for 'clout,' that’s on you. I can’t force you to see the growth in me if you’re too busy staring at a version of me that doesn't even exist anymore. I’m moving on because staying here and arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding me is just a slow way to die. I’m going back to what matters: the games, the community that actually sticks by me, and the people who don’t require a political litmus test or a perfect history to show basic human decency. You can keep your circles and your gatekeeping. I’d rather be alone or starting from scratch than spend one more second begging for a scrap of friendship from people who use my past as a weapon. This is the last time I explain myself. From here on out, my actions will speak for me, and if you aren't around to see them, that’s your loss, not mine. I’m choosing peace over being 'right' in your eyes. I’ve got a life to live, streams to run, and a future to build that doesn't involve looking over my shoulder at this constant cycle of drama. To those who actually treated me with kindness, even when I didn't deserve it, I’ll never forget that. To the rest of you, I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for in this hostility, because you won’t find it in me anymore. I’m out. From this point forward, I’m done with the back and forth through DMs and social media posts. If you have an issue with me, if you have 'beef,' or if you have something you need to say to my face, my stream is always open. Anyone is welcome to come in VC and sort it out with me directly. I’m not hiding, and I’m not playing these games behind the scenes anymore. If you’ve got something to say, come say it live and we can handle it like adults. Otherwise, I’m moving past the drama and focusing on the people who actually want to be here. As far as I’m concerned, there is no difference between the left and the right anymore. Both sides act like they’re out to kill each other, but from where I’m standing, you’re just two sides of the same coin. I’m done picking a team in a game that’s designed to keep everyone angry. I’m not here for the identity politics or the tribalism; I’m here for the people who can see past all that noise. If you’re so blinded by your 'side' that you can’t see a human being in front of you, then you’re part of the problem I’m leaving behind. Go ahead and keep sending the hate comments. Just like @corric57 said, I’m going to ignore them and laugh. Every time you post some toxic bullshit, it doesn't hurt me it only makes you look even more pathetic. If you want to waste your time screaming into the void while I’m busy living my life, be my guest. All you're doing is proving that you have nothing better to do than obsess over someone you claim to hate. My mods @GKLiveX , @Bm709_ , @roflstomper582 , Ruby, SSJmoney, and @shelb008_xboxx have all stood by me and watched me suffer as my mental state eroded from all this toxic behavior. They’ve seen the reality of what this has done to me even @KitsuneOctober , @Sairenatea and @MyLackofGender was worried, and I’m done putting myself through it. I don't want it anymore. I’m choosing grow a set of balls to protect my peace and value the people who actually stood in the trenches with me while everyone else was busy trying to tear me down. Eventually, I may write a book covering these events from start to finish. I’ll document everything from the moment I met @NachisuMikuX over a year ago, all the way to where we are today. Just for me an, unedited story of what actually happened, without the spin or the clout chasing. I'll let friends read it but, it won't be public as, I’m done living in the past. I’m moving forward, focusing on my life, and the people who actually want to be a part of it. My Discord DMs will be open for anyone to reach out to me. If you have something to say, say it there or come to my stream. I’m done with the public circus. If you want to talk like a human being, you know where to find me. - THE DON IS FUCKING OUT OF THIS BULLSHIT!!!
