Megan Thee Scallion

Haven’t tweeted in 30 million years but hi I’m back

I know some of you envy me… (I just started Gossip Girl for the first time ever)

New York’s hottest club is actually just any establishment that strictly sells bagels on a Sunday at noon

@Jimmy_Soprano8 Don’t start with me!!

@Bootsmahoots Bald!

Abolish verification codes. Why do I need two-factor authentication to order an egg sandwich from Joe and the Juice?

@joshuamarcus02 We will never be on the same side

Is anyone else inexplicably bothered by Jeff Goldblum?!!

She’s trying y’all!

Girl in front of me on the Williamsburg bridge was running with her hair down

@thedominiquej1 RIDGEWOOD QUEENS

I’m irritated asf i been in New York almost 2 days and still ain’t seen no rats .. where tf the rats at??????

I need the chicken Big Mac

Airlines allowing surge pricing during a category 5 hurricane is demonic!!!!! Praying for the people of Florida :(

My calling in life is to spend $15-$20 on a disappointing lunch 2-3 days a week

Me: maybe this new birth control isn’t that bad Also me: *begins tearing up as I’m restocking our office fridge*

I think a Chili’s triple dipper could fix me

I know ChatGPT hates to see me typing

At the bar talking to Mary about how she needs to invest her money

A random man walking down the street told me to smile, and because of him, I’m now the happiest girl in the world 🥰🥰😍🥳!!

Going shopping today after being inspired by some of my friends’ credit card debt

Wtf Addison Rae’s Diet Pepsi is a little bop