Tyler Rhoades? Never heard of him.

If you can't handle me at my worst, then that makes sense.

@GoblinInAJacket Not at all. I have no idea who Tim Pool is, and I’ve got no interest in Joe Rogan. I muted all of the other blowhards that pop up in my notifications, but Twitter keeps feeding me these “white men with opinions” even though they’re nothing like the people I follow.

I hope to God I can now finally get away from this shit hole. Off to Threads I go. Same name, same boring old bullshit as before. Can’t wait to see you all there.

@geekurheartout That is solid technique.

I propose that they rename ⁦@BagelBites⁩ “Tomato Sauce Bread Disks.” #ExpectationsVsReality

When it started happening I’d open their profiles wondering “Who is this moron?” Now twitter’s like, “oh u like that?!? how about we tell you what kari lake thinks about things????” Fucking hate it. Weren’t we all supposed to migrate over to Hive? What happened to that?

Been seeing lots of conservative tweets in my feed post-Elon. The justification I get is that a conservative high school friend follows a bunch of dipshits, so maybe I should too?

My wife put a chip clip on this tiny, tiny bag of Chex mix that she just couldn’t eat in one sitting. She dared me to tweet it to shame her. Challenge accepted, ⁦@erikagodwin⁩

Please help me win an argument. The question “Is is bigger than a bread box?” is commonly used for the game 20 Questions, right?

Just nabbed “tylerrhoades” on Hive! That’s right! Get fucked @TylerRhoades I beat you! Nothing but non-boring content from me starting……NOW!

@jordancallarman I would be friends with this person...and I'm happy to see we're both doing TikTok the correct way.

Dear @MomsBestCereal - I’m sorry but I do not understand this slogan. Also why does it only appear on the Oats & Honey Blend cereal, but not the Honey Grahams cereal? Is Honey Grahams not “best?”

This is a real news article, from a real news website. yahoo.com/entertainment/…

“Put your spear in your room and clean up your tissues.” - literally what my wife said to my son just now

“It be me me me and Timothy.” I used to think that Timothy was just some random guy that Missy Elliott knew and they were going to the beach together. Turns out Timothy is just Timbaland’s first name.

Most times I am human. Occasionally I am dancer. I know you have been searching for the answer, so I’m happy to provide it. 😘

The worst part about a biopic is at the end where they play footage of the real-life person, and everyone is supposed to be like, "Wow, they did a really good job with their impressions! Bravo, filmmakers!" #idontlikebiopics #idontlikehashtags

I just realized…my son groans at my ironic anti-jokes the same exact way that I used to groan when my dad would crack a “dad joke.” 😔

Jesus Christ. Just watched two hours of infuriating bullshit. It is getting harder and harder for me to take the high road…

I just spent $40 on facial moisturizers. That's all. That's the entire tweet.