Louis Van Gaal

Celebrating our win. #Horny

We were very unlucky today. The cold weather didn't help. Apart from the result, it was a good day for us. #BringOnNextSeason #ItsAProcess

With what the club have already allowed me to get away with, I should start growing weed on the pitch. Seems I'm untouchable! #LvGanja

False imprisonment! Someone help me. Ed's chained me to a pipe in the basement of Old Trafford with only the OT mouse as company. #FreeLVG

Anyone heard anything? 😓

Thanks for all the #LVGOUT messages over the last few days and sorry to let you down but the days of me getting my cock out are long gone.

Wanna hear a good joke? Jose Mourihno trying to manage a football team.

The normal one with a normal result for Liverpool. Now, to hammer Everton.

How's life, Jose?

This is why I kept De Gea.

I'm not saying Jose Mourinho complains a lot, but even the Samaritans wish he'd shut the fuck up.

I think Gerrard should become a comedian. This is hilarious!

Just going through my detailed attacking Philosophy before tomorrow's big match..... #Complicated #Philosophy

So basically signing a lifetime contract then.

I may have gotten one or two or 15 things wrong tonight.

@EamonnHolmes I made Mike Smalling captain. Poor Rooney is getting worried I spent an hour reassuring him that he's still captain when fit.

The captain tonight will be Mr Mike Smalling. Also, I am starting Martial. #MUFC

Pedro's shirt no at Chelsea is 17, Chelsea's league position is also 17.... Well done Pedro pic.twitter.com/GiQvl34KfE

Bastian is very good with young players. RT if you think I should make him captain.

This is Anthony Martial, you better get used to him.