Bread

Gen Z youth pastor: “God by thy drip. Jesus be thy squad. Amen”

At least AI can’t skate yet

Who will be first: Monkeys entering the Stone Age or the Amish entering the Industrial Revolution

Honestly just get tattoos to hide farmers tans

Instead of “read” receipts, android users see an active front cam view of the person actually reading

Do all wood peckers have CTE?

But how do blind skateboarders even know what tricks look like?

A tear drop tattoo but you have to explain to everyone it’s a sweat drop tattoo

Kitchen cabinets but they’re all tiny dish washers

It’s not all Hollywood and blow Sometimes it’s airports and premiere pro

Remember being in 6th grade, playing My Heart Will Go On on the recorder and feeling some kind of way?

I used to have nightmares about forgetting my locker number. Now I have nightmares about forgetting my social security number.

You ever be bored outside and just put your foot on different things?

You know how you’re kinda always smelling but then you can like mean to smell.

Wolverine but as a dad that just uses his claws for opening mail.

Thinking about speedy rewards points I never used

Honestly tying my shoes is just muscle memory. I have no idea what’s going on anymore.

@elonmusk where’s smell-o-vision at? We’re counting on you.

Unsweet tea dads

Skim milk moms