Bryan Cody

Her: did you pull out Him: nah, I don’t have money for plan... Her: (pulls plan b out the dresser) *gods plan starts playing*

McGregor is a fookin nutter. That Burger King commercial is low key hysterical #DersNoDoubtImGonnaDestroyDisTing

Most satisfying scene in cinematic history twitter.com/Dory/status/95…

@GowiththedFLO @cashcamx Welp better get the eyeball bleach

PSA: to all the dudes that got a girl and still want that sex robot. You thinking this a good idea like “c’mon baby it ain’t cheating” till she bring one home too looking like robo-male-sea-biscuit that make you stupid ass look like a deshelled Mr. Krabs.

Pro tip if you like breakfast blend coffee: step 1) tilt your head back. Step 2) open mouth. Step 3) grab nearest ash tray and dump in mouth as it tastes exactly the same. #FoolsHaveYouNoTasteBuds

Been chronically putting Baileys in my coffee because I’m about that party life but also about the type II life.

Bruhhhhh twitter.com/blackpplvines/…

Morning after me to last night me:

I've watched the same 4 seasons of futurama on Netflix about 6 times through and I wish that was an exaggeration

Pro life tip: if you eat like the vacuum on teletubbies, use chop sticks. It'd slow you down and make you look like a pretentious asshole