amuse douche

If you drink jack Daniels you’re a cop

What’s up what did i miss I have nothing to say except that i am so jaded and old man coded that it makes me mad seeing my 21 year old employee having fun when they have to work in the morning like i didn’t do that for 10 years straight

This is probably my last tweet on this shithole app but i am so obsessed with red dead redemption and westerns and being a cowboy i could not give a fuck about anything else okay goodbye

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the original multiverse

Had @djtrackstar at The Biscuit Joint this morning #STL

Just bought an 8th for $7. I love legal marijuana

I know I’m in my thirties because nothing excites me more than the thought of sitting on my couch and drinking nine diet cokes

Name a better friend group

I love my gf

I love unfollowing someone on IG and they end up not following me back. No harm no foul big dawg I’ll see ya around

If i was unbelievably rich I’d go to a bar and tip a million dollars

Hey people that order egg whites at breakfast restaurants: no one fucking likes you

I’ll vote for the first president that looks me in the eyes like a man and tells me to get fucked

Whatever can happen, will happen

Two for flinching, pussy

I hope more p*liticians get sh*t

Nice lmao

2 Celsius and 2 Zyn is peak work performance mode

My own girlfriend just accidentally called me MY DOGS NAME in conversation……….

IM SICK OF MUCSLE MILK WEN WILL WE GET TIT MILK