Fa La La Legra

If your loved ones were ever kidnapped and the perps demanded a ransom of like 500 contact lens-branded plastic pens, I could help. Just putting it out there.

You had me at « lemongrass hibiscus, » @eastboundbeer. I loved seeing all my cool running pals at the @runtobeer holiday party. What a lovely group of people. I am so happy to have spent another year getting to know… instagram.com/p/B6YjTrmgRGl/…

Happy three-month #GotchaDay to the world’s all-time fruit bat. She chose me as much as I chose her and I am so proud to be the one to make her feel safe. clove_tho, let’s go on adventures ❤️ #minpin #minpinstagram… instagram.com/p/B6RkkJ4gngx/…

i’m sorry i roasted you i was trying to flirt

🎶 Hey there Delilah... a thousand miles seems pretty far but they've got planes and trains and cars 🎶 Guy That Just Waked 500 Miles and 500 More: they have what

@seananmcguire Clove: the void stares back and begs for peanut butter.

People with pet voids, please show me your voids. No species in specific, but ONLY voids, please. Your other pets are wonderful. I just need voids right now.

Realized today that I think #OhHello is funny mostly because Gil is the gritty character reboot of Coach Z from Homestar Runner.

A chest of baby clothes and thirst? Nope.

I strongly urge both the faint of heart and the faint of butt to leave the room at this time.

i don’t know who needs to hear this but put your fucking dog on a leash

« Run » is a generous word for the slip-shamble I did to get to this nitro sour from @BloodBrothersTO, but considering the three cool parties I attended last night I am proud to have gotten out of bed at all. Thanks… instagram.com/p/B6GZIGMAwM_/…

Friends of mine are subtweeting each other and frankly it’s telling when someone only believes sex work is legitimate work until someone they want to vilify (for unrelated reasons) participates in it. You can’t have it both ways.

Well, looks like I’m not going anywhere today. clove_tho is better than any weighted blanket. #minpinstagram #chipin #babyitscoldoutside❄️ #girlsinglasses #trapped #brunette #adoptdontshop #blackdog @ East York instagram.com/p/B5ijrDsA2cU/…

2009/2019. This is what $20,000 worth of extremely inconvenient TMJD treatment does to a femme. #2019 #2009vs2019 #girlsinglasses #selfie #threadless #beforeandafter #orthodontics #thattmjlife… instagram.com/p/B5MB5m_gjxs/…

This is the only picture google has tagged in Uranium City, SK. When you search it on a map, this is what comes up.

@PhrosenPhrase Priority given to uncontrollable curls

@CapnAllegra Let's see if there's a raw vegans of Manitoba Facebook group and find you a new beau with good hair

As far as bad choices go, I feel like “remember the time I was considering moving to Winnipeg for a man?” ranks higher than “remember the time I dated a raw vegan?” but, like, not by *that* much.

@rachelmack That is how I am looking at it! It is colder than the moon there. Nonsense.

@CapnAllegra You only considered it, you didn’t actually do it, so that’s just a dodged bullet, bb.