GeorgeCarlinQuotes

Very few Germans know that in honor of her husband, Mrs Hitler combed her pussy hair to one side

At one time there existed a race of people whose knowledge consisted entirely of gossip.

When you think about it, attention deficit disorder makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it

good honest hard-working people continue to elect these rich cocksuckers who don’t give a fuck about them. They don’t give a fuck about you. They don’t give a fuck about you. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care.

The upper class: keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes.  The middle class: pays all of the taxes, does all of the work.  The poor are there...just to scare the shit out of the middle class.... Keep em showing up to those jobs

The planet is fine, the people are fucked.

know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, govt, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think

@HipHopIsVoting @NatlVoterRegDay This is a false quote Real quote here : thinkexist.com/quotation/i-do…

Today is #NationalVoterRegistrationDay ! Make sure you reach out and encourage citizens to register today! @NatlVoterRegDay @HipHopIsVoting @CarlinQuotes #GeorgeCarlin #vote

@HipHopIsVoting @NatlVoterRegDay “I, on the other hand, who did not vote, who in fact did not even leave the house on election day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done and have every right to complain about the mess you created that I had nothing to do with.”

I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist

It's the American double-standard, say one thing, do something different. This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark

How can God be perfect? Everything He ever makes dies.