Chance The Snapper - The Humboldt Gator

Real talk, this water tastes like Malort.

I wish I was back in Chicago. I'd have exclusive run of the park, and not surrounded by a bunch of Floridians sneezing on me who think Coronavirus is just the flu. Anyway, support this campaign back home and help some medical professionals kick COVID ass: gofundme.com/f/medical-prot…

INT. FLORIDA GATOR PENTHOUSE, NIGHT Chance drops into his hot tub and cracks open a Hamm’s. He smiles. CUT TO: EXT. HUMBOLDT LAGOON, NIGHT Alligator Bob stuffs another stick of dynamite into a chicken leg and tosses it into the water. He pushes back tears. FADE OUT. The End

Watch our perfect chunky angel Chance the Snapper explore his new home in Florida (honestly it made us weepy) buff.ly/32F6Osw

That Pequod’s goes straight to your hips. It’s a feature, not a bug.

Someone just sent me this notification Aw, you guys are still tracking me?? Wait, no one told Bob about this, right? I’m not sure he’s given up on finding me.

@JustinaWhitney They are taking me here: alligatorfarm.com And I'm sure you can address Chicago postcards ATTN: Chance The Snapper

@ChanceDeSnapper So where are you currently at? We would love to send some fan mail!

Yah but is there Malort?

But I can only get 3-star Ubers to get me there?

@yourmandaniel @mipolitico Y’all are jealous in Michigan

Guys, I need some @ChanceDeSnapper merch. Free market do your magic.

@amandabiela15 Some alligators are tired of high taxes, too.

Leaving just like everyone else! The Illinois exodus includes people tired of high taxes AND alligators. #twill @ChanceDeSnapper #humboldtparkgator

I’m really gonna miss this place. But you know what they say: You can take the gator out of Humboldt Park Lagoon but you can’t ever wash the stink away so it’s impossible to forget where you came from even if you tried really hard—not that you would want to.

Also, I’m kinda looking forward to my own straight-to-streaming movie “Gators On A Plane” based on the shenanigans I’m planning for tomorrow.

Chicago, this past week has been amazing. I am honored to have been the mascot you didn’t ask for, it apparently needed. Thanks for looking for me and for finding me. I feel seen.

@HipHopFan79 I think we all know how that ends. Bob shows up to chanting crowds, wanders around the ring for a while as I watch. Chanting intensifies. Frank drops in from the ceiling, hooks me, silencing the crowd. Then, in a surprise move, together we beat the living shit out of Bob.

We know he can catch, we’re about to find out if he can throw. Oh, also, not mentioned in the article is the fact that he will indeed throw me.

@psychicken @averystgermaine And just like that I’m considering a Lord Thunderpants tattoo.

SUPPORT LOCAL JOURNALISM!!!! api.pico.tools/pn/blockclubch…

@padschicago @shellyBmedia @NancyLoo @humboldtgator You do what ya gotta do on Twitter. It’s a swamp out there.

@shellyBmedia @NancyLoo @humboldtgator @ChanceDeSnapper This is Chicago. Shouldn't that handle be ChanceDASnapper?

BREAKING: @humboldtgator AKA #ChanceTheSnapper CAPTURED! 🐊 wgntv.com/2019/07/16/all…

@ChanceDeSnapper Are you saying that you’ll be at Area 51?

Look, I appreciate everyone’s passion around my situation, but if you free me, I’m just going back to the lagoon and this whole circus begins again. Maybe direct your hubris on more pressing things. Like, Area 51.

Ummmmmm.... he didn’t do it alone. I was instrumental in this operation.