Bill Chopik

Recently, a date said they were an INTJ (i.e., Myers Briggs). I told her, “I'm a PhD in psychology. I refuse to entertain some unscientific typology of personality with dubious scientific backing.” I took pride in expressing my needs. As a Pisces, I really struggle with that.

Conan just doing bits to his employees for 18 years and never having a genuine conversation is sort of the vibe I bring to my work place, unfortunately

Handing your 7000 words over the word limit draft to your co-author

believe it or not, the world's entire population can fit inside this cube in new york city that means we can move everyone here and use the rest of the planet to build data centers to run agentic workflows seems like a no brainer to me

i would never leave the house ever again if i saw this

final exams are wonderful because I get to see students I’ve never seen before in my life

Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card!

The one employed philosophy PhD right now

Civilization was built by people like this, and there is a stunning lack of gratitude in our culture for their work. In this specific case, at least half of the apple varieties in Brown’s collection were considered “lost” until he personally tracked them down and saved them. He literally went on quests where he did things like, tracking a lost variety back to a stump of a long-ago-cut-down tree near an abandoned homestead in remote Appalachia, took cuttings from the green shoots coming out of the stump, brought them back and planted them. Absolute legend.

**At my funeral** Student: "Will this be on the exam?"

Reviewer 1: “ready to publish” Reviewer 3: “ready to publish” Reviewer 2:

Every April Fools Day, I look my students in the eye and tell them how much I appreciate them

Every morning, I wake up and read the obituaries. If my name isn’t in there, I have breakfast. Then, I complete yet another university-mandated training of some sort. This has been my life for 17 years.

Dear Jenny, I need four Walmart giftcards for donors visiting. I'm stuck in a meeting. If you don't have time, could you provide me with the elusive knowledge that frees me from the shackles of unhappiness that so stalks me? If not, giftcards fine. I'll reimburse. Thanks, Bill

I've had 4 proposals/defenses the last 2 weeks. I have 8 the next 2-3 months. A normal professor would complain and be overwhelmed. Not me, though. In a time of anxiety, I'm getting some of the best sleep I'll ever get. Then, I wake up, ask one question, and sign the form.

We asked people around the world to rate the morality and ethics of others in their country. The U.S. is the only place we surveyed where more adults describe the morality and ethics of others living in the country as bad than good. See our full morality report here: pewresearch.org/religion/2026/…

Its a very sad time in the WonderDog household! #RIPZekeIV #ZeketheWonderdog facebook.com/share/v/1Dr1bm…

@ThomasTalhelm Aw, thank you friend!

Kudos, Bill Chopik! 👏 Making the world friendlier, one scientific study at a time. @Chops310 psychologicalscience.org/news/yes-intro…

COMMANDER: We’re fighting for freedom. And part of that freedom… is the freedom to retire with dignity. So we’re going to start accounts called 401(k)s. SOLDIER 1: What’s a 401(k)? COMMANDER: It’s a retirement account. You put money in, it grows tax-free, you take it out when you’re old. SOLDIER 2: So I don’t pay taxes on it? COMMANDER: Well, you pay taxes later. When you withdraw. SOLDIER 2: So it’s not tax-free. COMMANDER: It’s…tax-deferred. SOLDIER 2: What’s the difference? COMMANDER: You pay taxes later instead of now. SOLDIER 1: What if I want to pay taxes now? COMMANDER: Then you do a Roth 401(k). SOLDIER 3: What’s a Roth? COMMANDER: You pay taxes now, and it grows tax-free. SOLDIER 2: That’s what I thought the first one was. COMMANDER: No, the first one you pay taxes later. SOLDIER 1: Which one’s better? COMMANDER: Depends on your tax bracket in retirement. SOLDIER 1: …How would I…know that? COMMANDER: You don’t. You just guess. ⸻ SOLDIER 4: What if I don’t have a 401(k) through my employer? COMMANDER: Then you open an IRA. SOLDIER 4: What’s the difference? COMMANDER: One’s through your job, one’s on your own. SOLDIER 4: Can I have both? COMMANDER: Yes. SOLDIER 4: Should I? COMMANDER: Maybe. SOLDIER 3: Can I do a Roth IRA? COMMANDER: Only if you make under a certain amount. SOLDIER 3: What’s the limit? COMMANDER: Changes every year. SOLDIER 2: What if I make too much? COMMANDER: Then you do a backdoor Roth by putting it in a Traditonal first. SOLDIER 2: …Is that legal? COMMANDER: Surprisingly, yes. SOLDIER 1: What’s a backdoor Roth? COMMANDER: You contribute to a traditional IRA, then convert it to a Roth…but watch out for “pro rata”. SOLDIER 1: Why wouldn’t I just contribute to the Roth directly? COMMANDER: Because you make too much money. SOLDIER 1: But this way I can? COMMANDER: Yes. SOLDIER 1: That feels like a loophole. COMMANDER: It is. But the IRS is cool with it. ⸻ SOLDIER 5: I just changed battalions. What do I do with my old 401(k)? COMMANDER: You roll it over. SOLDIER 5: Into what? COMMANDER: An IRA. Or your new 401(k). Depends. SOLDIER 5: On what? COMMANDER: The funds. The fees. Whether your new plan accepts rollovers. SOLDIER 5: What if I just take the money out? COMMANDER: You’ll pay taxes plus a 10% penalty. SOLDIER 5: What if I’m 59? COMMANDER: Penalty. SOLDIER 5: 59 and a half? COMMANDER: No penalty. SOLDIER 5: …The half matters? COMMANDER: The half matters. ⸻ SOLDIER 3: What’s a mega backdoor Roth? COMMANDER: Okay. So. Your 401(k) has a limit of how much you can contribute. SOLDIER 3: Right. COMMANDER: But the total limit including employer contributions is higher. SOLDIER 3: Okay… COMMANDER: So if your plan allows ~after-tax~ contributions, you can put in more, then convert that to Roth. SOLDIER 3: Does my plan allow that? COMMANDER: I don’t know. You have to ask Betsy. SOLDIER 3: Will Betsy know? COMMANDER: Probably not. ⸻ SOLDIER 2: Can I deduct my IRA contribution on my taxes? COMMANDER: Are you covered by a retirement plan at work? SOLDIER 2: Yes. COMMANDER: Then only if you make under a certain amount per year. SOLDIER 2: What’s the amount? COMMANDER: Depends if you’re married. SOLDIER 2: What if my wife has a plan but I don’t? COMMANDER: Different limit. SOLDIER 2: What if neither of us has a plan? COMMANDER: Full deduction. SOLDIER 2: So it’s better to not have a 401(k)? COMMANDER: No… ⸻ SOLDIER 1: Can I just keep my money in a sock? COMMANDER: You could. But inflation will slowly destroy it. SOLDIER 1: What’s inflation? COMMANDER: (sighs)…

>boot my old windows laptop >its been force-upgraded to windows11 >sign in with microslop account >immediately get blindingly bright pop up: “finish setting up your machine with Copilot” >no ty, click “setup later” >turn down Xbox gamepass offer >turn down Copilot 365 offer >unpin LinkedIn shortcut >open edge to redownload Brave >have to find it in Bing >disable OneDrive (it’s erroring out anyway asking for money, ransoming my files) >unpin copilot shortcut >disable Copilot Recall spyware >run windows update >click shutdown, but it restarts instead >blindingly bright pop-up “finish setting up your machine with Copilot” >copilot shortcut enabled again >try to use the start menu search bar >hangs then returns “search with Copilot” >click, it opens LinkedIn instead >want to close it but it’s frozen >open legendary programmer Dave W Plumber’s award winning software, Task Manager >238 processes called copilot.exe >mutter expletive >Cortana Copilot pops up, “I can help with that!” and freezes >Defender flagged it as malware >immediately get another pop-up >”OneDrive has run out of space! Your files are no longer accessible!” >about to lose it >I’ll just play a game, boot up CoD >pop-up asking to enable Copilot gaming assistant