Chris Borse

@rayadverb Just having carrots as a side for fish is probably a felony.

So much for the so-called "Bill of Rights." klkntv.com/man-gets-year-…

@StephenMerchant Ah, so you make $340k a month.

It’s come to my attention that photos of me and fake stories are being used as clickbait for scam ads. I do not endorse these and alas, I do not make £330K a month from crypto apps.

@DENTONCBC This is the best idea, as I can attest.

Host the ultimate private party with Denton County Brewing Co.'s craft beer kegs! 🎉🍻 Whether it's a birthday bash, graduation celebration, or just a gathering of friends, our kegs will keep the good times flowing. Contact andrew@dentoncbc.com. #CraftBeer #craftkegs

@rachelerinrose Ouch

hahahahahahahaha fun fact, if you mandolin slice enough of your thumb skin off, you have to update your thumbprint password on your phone hahahahahahaha

Golly gosh. Why wasn't FSU in the playoffs? #NCAAF

@eric_pepin @Honda @AmericanHonda I believe it's put in 4 batteries

Just put the fourth (4th!) battery in my 2019 @Honda Odyssey. 🤯 @AmericanHonda I know y’all settled the class action suit about this, but is there an actual fix for it?

Harvard: "Hire our grads because we're educating the thought leaders of tomorrow. Also Harvard: "Don't hold our student groups responsible for blaming Israel for the Hamas attacks." #PickOne

Vyv doesn't have Twitter so I'm posting for her that @Delta sucks and has delayed her return home due to ineptitude in checking bags and has thrown in nothing but rudeness in addressing it.

@LyleLovett See you at Red Rocks soon!

The Large Band and I hope to see you this summer. Go to LyleLovett.com for venues and tickets.

Happy Easter!!

@SteveMartinToGo Fricken Russians

Hobbiton

Searching for Mt. Doom

Above Auckland

Edoras

Mt. Cook

Is it really a "classic" Caesar if it's just lettuce, dressing, and croutons?

Sometimes a sky penis just happens. taskandpurpose.com/news/air-force…

That thing where you're not really paying attention and then @SWA takes you to the moon.

@rickygervais I don't know who your agent is, but I'm keeping all of those.

You can only keep 3. Pets, alcohol, thumbs, TV, fruit, exercise, windows, emergency services, beds.