It's funny because

The establishment are trying to force me out of the UK by closing my bank accounts. I have been given no explanation or recourse as to why this is happening to me. This is serious political persecution at the very highest level of our system. If they can do it to me, they can do it to you too.

@shesgonestella Who SHET ET my WIDDUNG?

@DanHowdle @anon_opin Genuine cry-laughed at this

Due to all the added water, it is impossible to fry shop bought bacon in the UK. The best you can hope for is to boil it in its own feculence. I can't understand why it's legal or why more people aren't annoyed by it.

@KaroroMitchelle I'm seeing most people misreading this. Its those moments when you try to share something thats happening in your life, and the friend immediately turns it round to something similar in theirs. I guess it's a way of empathising but it leaves the first person feeling unheard.

Normalize not bringing up a similar story about yourself when someone is telling you something about themselves, just listen

@shockproofbeats I've always understood it as chemical or genetic memory, as though it's coded into our DNA at birth.

Forgive what is likely a very, very basic question but... do we know the mechanics of *how* animals know to do these kinds of complex, hyper-specific activities, even when necessity and/or cultural stimulus is absent?

@NoContextHumans It's funny because that woman definitely received a head injury

@MartinSLewis We're all thinking it Martin, sorry.

I've had enough of hate mail like this. Can you imagine disliking someone so much as to wish this upon them.

@Beigemania Begrudgery is also shit tbf.

@RolemateAI These are truly the end times

Start secret chat & weird role play.

@fesshole Why am I stuck on 'once'?

Once, I bought an extra large Fleshlight and found it was too large for me. Couldn't send it back as it was used and am too embarrassed to tell anyone why knob is too small to get all the sensations from it.

@NoContextHumans @mralistairgreen every time

@Morpheusresist "Love and kindness are central to the human experience and should be valued above all else". Cheers Andrew.

@KenaKenashop Twitter is now JML for culture warriors.

@altclassicmusic All music released before this album was dogshit.

On this day in 1979, Joy Division released their debut studio album “Unknown Pleasures” What are your favorite tracks from this iconic record?

@mnrrntt About time @gillinghamjoe Best of luck fella

@chatabix1 @glastonbury "So needy"

One week to go till @glastonbury We REALLY REALLY REALLY would love to see a chatabix flag or two representing at the Pyramid Stage. Any chatabiscuits going... please work your magic 🙌it would make us very happy happy boys😃

@KevinASchofield The boring answer is because critical thinkers and Mail readers are two very separate groups of people.

How can it be a “vision of Keir’s Britain” when it’s happening now, after 13 of Conservative government?

@dank_ackroyd Capillary action at the urinals

What you thinking about x x

@DeborahMeaden 'Witch hunt' The first tool in the box for every narcissist.

His whole political career Johnson has doubled down against criticism… and now he is forced out? I don’t buy it…

As conspiracy theories go, Johnson’s resignation statement takes the biscuit. It will further undermine trust in the political system and it will worsen the already bitter division in the Tory Party. It is not just a disaster for Sunak - especially the attacks on his failure to push through Johnson’s preferred policies - but there is also a question whether the Tory party can hold together