Cobra Commander

Do you know how easy recruiting able-bodied, feeble-brained cannon fodder is getting? Whatever clusterfail of an education system/economy you people have going, keep it up. COBRA!

APRIL — 2026 IRAN IS MASTER OF THE MIDDLE EAST ONLY SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS STAND BEFORE THEM OCEANS ARE NOW BATTLEFIELDS

“The Pope is soft on crime!” is something you’d hear an angry hobo yell from a cardboard box.

Just imagine what NASA isn’t showing you. We’ve got the real footage. COBRA!

A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will. I’m of course referring to Branson, Missouri. I’ve had enough.

Every order is an illegal order if you join Cobra!

For sale: Kit Kats, never broken

I need my supposed enemies to be better than this current crop of morons. Open the schools!

Hope you enjoy your five-hour TSA lines and ICE checkpoints at the airport this week, America. I’ll continue to travel in style, unbothered.

Netanyahu cancelled golf this week. I’m sure it’s nothing serious.

Listen, don’t ask don’t tell, but it always felt like a bit much to have a Sailor, a Marine, and a Lady Jaye.

One Battle After Another was just ok!

What do you mean I wasn’t nominated for Best Director?!

The Ides of March? Oh, you got stabbed a little?! Give me a break. My underlings try to murder me constantly.

If I stopped drinking would you let me run the Pentagon? I have ideas, you know.

With politicians like these, who needs terrorists?

Technically Cobra Island is open for tourism. The only thing preventing that is Cobra firing on any vessel that approaches.

Personally I look forward to living under Shakira Law.

Out on the road today I saw a Cobra sticker on a Cadillac

You expect me to believe your military isn’t woke when your special forces are full of DEI hires?