Cobra Commander

Netanyahu cancelled golf this week. I’m sure it’s nothing serious.

Listen, don’t ask don’t tell, but it always felt like a bit much to have a Sailor, a Marine, and a Lady Jaye.

One Battle After Another was just ok!

What do you mean I wasn’t nominated for Best Director?!

The Ides of March? Oh, you got stabbed a little?! Give me a break. My underlings try to murder me constantly.

If I stopped drinking would you let me run the Pentagon? I have ideas, you know.

With politicians like these, who needs terrorists?

Technically Cobra Island is open for tourism. The only thing preventing that is Cobra firing on any vessel that approaches.

Personally I look forward to living under Shakira Law.

Out on the road today I saw a Cobra sticker on a Cadillac

Waiting for America to be great again.

You expect me to believe your military isn’t woke when your special forces are full of DEI hires?

I’d feel safer if all of your military colleges were being overseen by a podcaster’s wife. Your ruling class is a pyramid scheme, America. And I love a pyramid scheme.

I’ll be honest — it gets pretty boring when your leaders are this stupid. There’s nothing for us to do but profit from the scraps.

They used to call it the Strait of Muz before your mom went through it.

If I’m reading this map right, and I’d like to think that I am, everyone is screwed.

Ready for my Department of Homeland Security vanity advertising campaign closeup

This may seem like common sense, but you’d be surprised how many ruthless terrorist organizations get it wrong — if you die, you can’t rule the world.

I figure I could derail the entire FBI for a week just by offering Kash Patel a sunset joyride in a Trubble Bubble.

Listen, they tried to get me to join The Board of Peace, but the proposed timeline for starting their first war was simply too slow for Cobra’s interests.