Comical Tweets

Wow! @Comical_Tweet has reached 50 followers! See more stats at twtr.to/eYny

Cool, @Comical_Tweet is about to reach 100 tweets! See the rest of the stats twtr.to/nUUL

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the middle ones for you.

Everyone has three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life.

It's all fun and games until you lose your wifi signal.

Teacher: "Where's your homework?" Me: "I couldn't find anyone to copy it from."

Dear youtube, I'm here to listen to music or watch a video. If I wanted to watch commercials, I'd turn on my TV.

Yawning Is your body's way of saying 20% battery remaining

You're suppose to cry over cuts and stitches, not sluts and bitches.

I'm too drunk to walk; let's drive...

OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS! 1) Hold your breath for 10 minutes. 2) Die.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning that's as good as they're going to feel all day.