Corey Mintz

@ClyburnComedy empireonline.com/movies/feature…

Back before I got sober I dated a meth-head. All she ever wanted for Christmas was her 2 front teeth...and all the other ones.

My friend dated a girl who had multiple personality disorder. Unfortunately all of them had herpes.

If I'm the smartest guy in the room, then I'm in the wrong room. ~Chad Stahelski (director John Wick)

Listening to my 14-yro niece explain words like "lit"and "shook" to my mom about the 8th grade dance is about the whitest thing I've seen

One poz of going from 225lbs down to 175 in 2016? Skinny jeans. The poz of skinny jeans? Ballsack. You want ballsack? Rock skinny jeans

Watching the Pro Bowl makes my dick soft.

J.K. Rowling has revealed that before wizards used modern plumbing, they just pooped where they stood and used magic to get rid of it.

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When life gives you lemons...Smoke crack!

Matthew McConaughey's dad died while having sex with his mom—she insisted that he be carried out of the house naked to show off his manhood.

Little more marching, little less selfies. We get it. You're the best.

I'll be @LaughsTVShow tonight, looking Reeeaaaaal handsome

Of course you're entitled to your opinion but it's wrong and you're an idiot

@carnojoe on this POS when you're one of my top 5 filmmakers. I'd just love to see more classics before I go (2/2)

@carnojoe As someone with cancer and maybe your biggest fan, I can say you'll look back and realize you've wasted huge amounts of time (1/2)