Crelase Vola

Even though we’ve been building up to it for months… Britain still can’t believe it’s Christmas at the weekend.

If you’re getting on the train before people can get off, may all your biscuits be slightly soggy.

Overheard in London today: “How you doing?” “Yeah, clinging on” Felt that.

Serious announcement: Please don’t put the wrappers back in the tub this Christmas. You know who you are.

“Can I eat anything in the fridge?” “No it’s for Christmas” “What can I eat then?” “There’s a piece of bread in the bin” “The bread bin?” “No that’s for Christmas. The actual bin.”

Shoutout to everyone who’s really tired but just keeps on doing stuff.

Imagine your partner getting you 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a-leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a-milking, 7 swans a-swimming, 6 geese a-laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtledoves & a partridge in a pear tree and you give them socks

How to sort out your wardrobe: 1. Take out clothes you don’t want 2. Decide you can’t live without them 3. Put them all back

Hobbies & interests - Snacking - Staying in - Hot drinks - Looking out of the window - Slapping thighs and saying “right” - Checking the biscuit situation - Saying “I don’t mind” - Having a stretch - Looking in fridge - Being vague with friends about when I’m next free - Pyjamas

Feeling tense about the fact the bin day schedule is about to go all over the place.

It’s fantastic weather for cancelling plans.

England fans

A thin layer of frost and a slight gradient… British people: “Fetch me the sledge”

Brit 1: “What do you fancy doing?” Brit 2: “I don’t mind, what do you fancy?” Brit 1: “Whatever you fancy” Brit 2: “I honestly don’t mind” Brit 1: “You choose” Brit 2: “I always choose” Brit 1: “No you don’t” Brit 2: “It’s your turn” Brit 1: “Anyway, have a think”

Ways to accept tea: 1. “Only if you're having one” 2. <check watch> “Go on then” 3. “You sure?” 4. “Ooh yes please” 5. “I’m gasping” 6. “You read my mind” 7. Respond to “tea?” by saying “tea” 8. “I’ll make it” 9. “Best idea you’ve had all day” 10. Stating milk/sugar preference

Procedure for accepting a biscuit: 1. Refuse the biscuit 2. Say “oh go on then, just one” 3. Eat whole packet

“I feel a bit Christmassy” - Translation: Let’s consume 50,000 calories of cheese and chocolate.

Try saying these without sounding sarcastic: 1. That's great 2. Good for you 3. Have fun 4. Fascinating 5. Thanks for that 6. Well done you 7. Good luck with that 8. Sounds thrilling 9. What a shame 10. Wow

Constantly walking around the house thinking “right, what can I eat next?”

Meanings of "hmm": I doubt it Not sure I suppose Good idea! Never thought of it like that Not listening Dubious I'll pretend I didn't hear that Stop talking Curious I disagree but never mind (You’re reading this saying “hmm” in all the different ways, aren’t you?)