Curtis Spiliotis

@TimmyTwoShirts American Chop Suey… Cooked it for a chick on a date, it was delicious, but she could clearly taste the flavor of broke required to cook it. And that ingredient did not sit well with her the next day.

@SamJayComic That shit is American Chop Suey… most high class meal an 11 year old could make for dinner home alone. Also easily capable of feeding up to 20 people easily if times are tough in the house.

American Chop Suey

@SamJayComic Y’all motherfuckas can’t match my hustle

Lock yourself in a room doing 5 beats a day for 3 summers …

@SheaSerrano That’s when you hit ‘em with “Ya, but I didn’t miss with your mom, because I made you, so I still hit sometimes.”- Last time I ever trash talked my dad, I was 8.

the baby and i were playing basketball and i went to shoot it and he shouted “you’re gonna miss it because you’re a misser” at me and that’s probably the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me in a basketball game

Shit, I’m being visited by three ghosts.-They’re claiming to be from the past, present, and future.- I guess I gotta go deal with this, later!

@ryenarussillo @NathanCHubbard GZA is dope! But GZA is Westbrook, and HOV is the three point line. I know he’s not scared but he shouldn’t have that kind of confidence. We’ve seen the 3pt numbers.

@NathanCHubbard In the Wu-Tang book they talk about how GZA battled Q-Tip in high school and then ran into Jay. I got the sense GZA wasn’t exactly scared.

This is what Twitter Spaces are built for. I’m sitting in my car pulled over on the side of the road. What a moment.

I wish everyone could see the ass whooping I’m doing on this deodorant. 48hrs of protection, I’m sweating through you and I’m getting kinda smelly in 2hrs flat now. With hard work I think next spring I can be under an hour.

If NFT’s were people I’d buy a shit load of Adele’s right now

Everybody loves someone who genuinely loves what they do.

Everyone they get to be on local news is from a “Blue collar town” or a “workin’ city.” They never have a white collar citizen yelling profanities at the field correspondent. They above it, or just never asked?

@SamJayComic He didn’t even have to fuck him up, he just hit that old man with a judo move! The greatest!

You ever had a dad make you sandwich? Sorry, a “good” sandwich? I’ve had a few “what it’s fine” sandwich’s too from dads, but mostly got “you know where the fridge is” Sandwich’s.

@DanteOrange Man too many of these joints!…The “impressed with your background” but are “going to pursue more qualified candidates” only confuses me, it needs to stop. I’d rather they leave those phrases in the void where I assume all my resumes, QL’s, scripts, go that I’ve emailed them.

RIP to Norm Macdonald, one of the greatest, most creative, innovative, and more importantly funniest people/comics to ever walk to earth. Every comic in the world revered him for how funny he truly was. Damn.

The most likable version of me is Roy Kent

I'm on a separate OnlyFans for feet called; head, shoulders, OnlyFans and toes, OnlyFans and toes.

You guys ever tuck your socks in between your pinky toe and the rest of your toes to make it look like you have hooves like pigs?… I’ll just eat this apple while I wait your response.

@LizGalalis I’d definitely be interested, great idea.

Screenwriting Twitter! Throwing this out into the universe. I would LOVE to start a writers' group with my fellow disabled/chronically ill writers. I want a supportive group that *gets it* and can accommodate each other's needs while improving on our work. Who's in? #PreWGA

If you pick a place where I have to valet my car just to break up with me it’s you who also sucks

@wojespn @ZachLowe_NBA If this show checked into the game the opposing coach would yell out “shooters!”

Draft. Trades. Free Agency. Let’s go.