jorkmaster

Don’t be sad because it happened… smile because it’s over. Thankful I never have to watch this Kentucky team again.

I cannot handle two years in a row of the Cincinnati Reds being the only team in college or professional sports that I cheer for that has a good season.

Just got cut off by a little bitch in a black Chevy Colorado and all I can think about right now is how I wish dueling were still legal.

Women be shoppin

In a time in life, when so many cars have automatic headlights there are still ppl in brand new cars driving without their lights on in the dark. And I know they aren’t doing it on purpose because it’s 6:53 in the morning on a Monday.

The field of equine veterinarians is a female dominated field. I’ve legitimately never seen a male equine vet.

It is a little known fact that you only pass by a funeral procession when you are late to something.

Nothing slows traffic down more than an elementary school pick up line

Stay scheming is a top 25 song of all time

The hot mustard sauce at @McDonalds is low-key fire

Millennial influencer couples will post a video with the caption being “who says grocery shopping has to be boring?” And it’s just them setting up a camera and dancing for 15 seconds in a random empty aisle in a Walmart. That does not sound fun to me.

You will never see more dudes age 60+ in your local supermarket at one time than you will the day before Valentine’s Day. And they are all dressed the exact same way… Tennis shoes, jeans, and some sort of shirt with a zip up jacket that doesn’t have a hood.

Being a marketing person for a small business must be great. Your budget is limited all you do is sponsor little leave teams and call it a successful year in marketing lol.

Why are there so many old motherfuckers out there shoveling their driveway today? It’s going to be 60° for the next two days that shit’s gonna melt get your ass back inside before you have a heart attack.

Hey buddy, I know you spend 40% of your monthly pay financing that brand new Dodge ram but that doesn’t mean you have to ride my ass.

@BurgerKing I am thoroughly disappointed. You all changed up your rewards in the Burger King app and took away all of the good menu items from the rewards. Where is the double cheeseburger? You have lost a loyal customer.

@Moes_HQ shouldn’t be allowed to exist. It’s trash.

Jasper Johnson can’t do anything but shoot the ball but that doesn’t mean he be hitting that shit.

I may have already tweeted this once before, but cheddar is the most overrated cheese of all time.

People who dress up for the airport need to get their ass kicked.