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Dave Chappelle for President

if the full moon loves you, why worry about the stars?

💅🏽

I just know without a shadow of a doubt Subaru commercials are written by a group of Cancers.

Y’all better vote yes on 805.

Jennifer Check, Karen Smith, and Rex Kwon Do

no one does their research before dressing for a “70s theme costume party” please stop. you’re embarrassing yourselves.

if you’re a female and have ever worked with a male coworker/boss who has ever made you feel uncomfortable pls retweet :-) just interested to see

@backwardsdeer @WXgage ewoks

:)

@_casonova Everyone hates us

@_casonova being a cancer is ://

if my signs were more interesting i could totally get into astrology but like i’m the astrological equivalent of a dud

The winter season can literally fuck OFF. Excuse my language if I ever become a political figure

oh, my diet plan? One buttered croissant and a double shot of espresso every day. That is all.

@daddysbuttt missed you

the snl writer’s room when the fly landed on pence’s head

so everyone just going to ignore the fly

“but then it passed, as all things do.”

Dave Chappelle for President

“If i ACCIDENTALLY go into the wrong patient hospital room and give them the wrong medicine AND kill them I will lose my job, my nursing license and Im going to jail. What is the difference with a police officer making that mistake?🤷🏾‍♀️ Can somebody tell me the difference?”