Karl Welzein

Night Moves Golf?! Might need to stop by Ann’s to see if my Big Berthas are still in the basement. And, give her a Dad’s Day hint. Maybe a slap on the caboose for old time’s sake too, you guys. (Wink) wubwheelco.com/collections/po…

Gotta say, Happ Mom’s Day to all the thick & natural, erotically consensual, single moms out there. Hit up Karl if you wanna get conversational and carnally satisfied by an all beef bad boy. Don’t delay. Could be too ineebed to guarantee totes satisfaction by evening, you guys.

A ‘reet supreme from Taco Bell sounded muy bwayne today. Little snack for ol’ Karl. It was tiny and $6.09. Wish those aliens everyone keeps talking about would stop taking their sweet ass time. Sick of getting prison gaped from every angle, you guys.

Watchin The Fifth Element with my man Bruce Dubs, and that sassy brother from the Jackie Chang movies and the stoner movie with NWA. Remember when movies felt like an artistically well crafted “movie” instead of some glossy AI digital crap? Pepperidge Karls remembers, you guys.

Suck it Ohio State. Nobody likes you.

Just when you think there’s nothing good in the world, Megadeth puts out a new album that takes you back to when American babes were ripe, a roadie in the cup holder was nbd, and you could smoke a Winston in the middle of the mall. Sad some nerds had to ruin everything, you guys.

It’ll always be the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl to me, you guys. Ain’t nobody tryin’ to eat whatever the crap Vrbo is.

Happ ‘Ween, boo guys.

Be the person with the Detroit gear that makes people say, “Whoa. Where’d you get that cozy mad swag, daddy?” You got it here, you guys: wubwheelco.com/collections/po…

Chiefs playing the Lions be like…. That said, ain’t many movies finer than The Last Boyscout, you guys.

Tigers pulling Skubal out of that game on a pitch count is like someone skipping life or death surgery so they can save money for a vacation they want to go on in a few years. “Just leave that tumor where it is, doc. I got big plans for Aruba in 2029.”

Good thing the Tigers saved Skubal’s arm for the next series. Smart baseball, you guys.

Couldn’t find any Sunday gear that had the bold freshness I crave. Can’t get bombed lookin’ like some puke. Sleeves removable with scissors or kitchen knife. Built in Saginaw, MI. Really lookin’ forward to the weekend, you guys. wubwheelco.com/collections/po…

Best Super Bowl halftime show option, you guys:

That Bad Bunny guy is gonna be the Super Bowl halftime show? Guess an auto flush public toilet wasn’t available, you guys.

In Steve Winwood’s “Higher Love”, when Chaka Khan starts hitting that “BRAAAAANG ME A HIGHER LOVE!!!” Man. Really takes me back to how good we used to have it, you guys.

We pledge allegiance to the flag. Not to some control tactic donkey show or bull fight scam. Wish people would start thinkin’ for themselves again, instead of gettin’ brainwashed by phony gospels and social media bottom feeders. And I’m thinkin’…Arby’s for lunch, you guys.

In the old days, your neighbor just hated you for poundin cold ones in your driveway, blaring Whitesnake at 2am. Not because you’re fans of different scumbag richers who solely exist to bend you over. Only one team wins in all this bullsh*t, and ain’t any of us on it, you guys.

The bad news is, we’re all being manipulated by social media and the news. The good news is, you can just turn those things off and do anything else. Can’t be controlled if you’re not paying attention, you guys.

ESPN just had to ruin RedZone with commercials. If you want something sports related turned into a pile of trash, give it to GreedSPN. Really sick behavior. Can’t have nothin’ nice, you guys.