Dadisms4Dads.

Post Malone is the Swiss Army Knife of musicians. Dude ready to put out a Polka compilation soon. lol.

Hey Gang! Let’s get those Dadism Bingo Cards out.

Pretty sure my daughter picked a college in Mississippi solely for the purpose of not getting caught vaping by her mother. #HailState

Recently joined a gym and have been putting up some good reps in the massage chair they have there. Not sure what the other stuff is there for.

@ThatEricAlper KKXX

What were the call letters to your favorite radio station back in the day?

Papa's needs a Brand New Bag!

Why would anyone need therapy with the infinite number of True Crime shows available to make you feel better about your current situation.

I pay a house cleaner every Thursday. But first I watch my wife clean the entire house Wednesday night so it looks good for them.

@jakery You need to go Back to the Future and take some math lessons.

Ready to feel old? Back to the Future came out 50 years ago this week

@raekennedy_ I once had a ball fall out at Kroger.

Our dog just pooped under the Christmas tree. Season’s Greetings.

I went from smoking pot in my 20’s to smoking brisket in my 30’s……And I’m not even mad about it.

My son and I just finished all 9 Star Wars movies. No he won’t stop speaking Wookie.

I never knew my slight of hand magic was so good until I had a kid.

Me on hour 6 of a 2765 piece Lego build.

My son when he calls his Spider-Man undies “chonies”

This is the most followers I’ve had since I started that cult back in the mid 90’s.

I couldn’t get enough of the word “Boobby Trap” when I was 12

*Teenage Daughter wearing Sublime shirt. Me: “I DON’T PRACTICE SANTERIA……” Her: Well I would hope not, your a white middle aged suburban dad, with a 401k and a minivan.