Daily Dad Chuckle

Yesterday my wife completed a 36-week body building program It's a baby girl 8 pounds 2 ounces I'm a Dad!

I told my wife: "Your underwear is way too tight." She said "Then wear your own."

My wife told me "You're terrible in bed" I told her it is unfair to make a judgement in less than 12 seconds

I got a handjob from a blind woman once She told me "This is the biggest dick I've ever come across" I said "No you are just pulling my leg"

I came home last night to find my wife having sex with Pedro Pascal and I wasn’t even surprised He’s in everything these days

Some guy asked if I wanted to pet his cocker spaniel yesterday and I’m feeling weird about the whole thing now I should’ve chosen the spaniel

Satan arrived to welcome a new damned soul to hell "Congratulations!" he said “You wasted your entire pitiful life!" "Well," the man replied "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement."

My wife wanted to have sex on the hood of a random car I said no If I’m going to have sex it’s going to be on my own accord

Math is hard 15+15 is thirty… But 16+16 is thirty too

What’s the German word for “bra”? Disselstoppemfloppin

In which city do they have the smallest boobs? Manchester

I just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person! All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist

My son while preparing his burger: "Where's the other lettuce I don't like this kind." I replied - "sorry that's all that Romaines" He shakes his head in disapproval Wife pauses then begins a new sentence like she didn't just hear that Clearly a win

My wife says if this post gets over 1000 likes I can get anal Please like because I want this house to be spotless

My wife is a sex object Every time I ask for sex she objects

My daughter was upset that it was raining and said "I wish I had a gun that could shoot the rain and make it go away." Obviously I told her that would never work For that you need a rain bow

My doctor told me I can masterbate any time I want His official words were "I could have a stroke at any moment" but it's cool I understood what he ment

I bought a world map,took it home,gave my wife a dart and said ''Where you land the dart,I'm taking you on holiday.''Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge

My girlfriend's kink was dressing up as a banana and doing a slow erotic strip show for me I found it very appealing

At my vasectomy consultation the doctor said "Now THIS is a big beautiful penis!" Then he pulled his pants back up and told me to get undressed

Did you ever wake up kiss the person beside you and realize how lucky you are? .. I just did and apparently I won't be able to fly on this airline anymore