Daniel Tosh

3.2K posts

Daniel Tosh

Daniel Tosh

@DanTosh_Daily

Here To Make You Piss Your Pants Laughing... One Tweet At A Time. **PARODY ACCOUNT** Not real Daniel Tosh.

Everywhere Katılım Kasım 2012
7.6K Takip Edilen6.6K Takipçiler
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
Stop feeling alone, start laughing. Stop dreaming, start believing. Stop fighting, start loving. Stop thinking, start acting.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
No one makes a lock without a key. That's why God won't give you problems without solutions.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
When I open a bag of bread, I skip the first piece. Because its ugly.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
You're a basic bitch if u let the microwave hit 0
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
white girls be like
Daniel Tosh tweet media
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
I need a phone with 500% battery life.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
don't ever fuck with people who have photos of you from 6th grade
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
i hate when you talk to someone every single day & then it just stops. all of a sudden neither of you say a word to each other ever again.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
i envy people that come up with witty comebacks on the spot because i'm gonna need at least a 3 day notice
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
i love summer so much *sits around doing nothing*
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
Twitter...because our parents joined Facebook.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
The only thing i can turn on is my computer 💻
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
Look at the keyboard. It has 'U' and 'I' together. Look underneath that. It says 'JK'.
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
"Mom...I'm bored" "Ok, if you're so bored why don't you clean this..." "Never mind I found something to do."
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
11 year old kids making Twitter accounts and shit. The fuck you gonna tweet about?! "Just leaving day care, about to go play outside."
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Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh@DanTosh_Daily·
It's not weird to talk to yourself, it's just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
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