Dane Hiser

@HYBPA Sshh Tom! “Celebrity Sac-Tap” is Sam’s secret new Ten Upfront series in 2025!

Due to the 3.5 hour running time of “Killers of the Flower Moon”, cinemas have added a new themed item, available from the candy bar: “The Leonardo DiCatheter” #MartinScorsese #LeonardoDiCaprio #RobertDeNiro #killersoftheflowermoon

In the one week: Al Pacino, 82, has child with partner. Robert De Niro, 79, has child with partner. Jesus! They are taking a ‘Heat’ prequel REAL seriously!! #AlPacino #RobertDeNiro #newbaby #heat

Confession: I didn’t watch #Coronation2023 yesterday, because I’m waiting to get the limited edition 4K BluRay with special features like a 10 min blooper package where the dearly departed #queen walks around, calling everyone a c**t.

Oh what’s this? Oh nothing, just me in #melbourne today getting some cultcha. I’m not saying this makes me better than you. But I am heavily implying it. #cultcha #monetandfriends #lume

Update: Transformation into #thejoker is going pretty much as expected.

You know, I’m not really a fan of viral digital trend; “unboxing videos”. There hasn’t been a good one since at the end of the movie ’Seven”. #unboxing #seven

#throwbackthursday: Now, I don’t want to #arouse you too much on a #thursday night, but here is me and my VERY BEST attempt at growing at a #dirtymoustache, proving there have been more unsettling and frightening things on cruises than #covid_19. #stayclassy #moustache #cruise

Just watched the trailer for ‘Magic Mike 3’….and…now….I’m feeling….”things”. #MagicMike #feelings

Authorities have mandated the only way I can drive is with a minor at the wheel, another one clinging to the roof and me pushing outside the vehicle from the back. “It’s the safest for all involved and the community at large”, they stated. #unclegamestrong #niece #nephew

Heads up: The cure for #anxiety is NOT a long weekend with the #familydog for whom anxiety is one of a #plethora of, let’s call them “quirks”. #dogsofinstagram #dog #anxiousdog #cutethough well, #cuteish

Move over @chortle…

#standupcomedy should not be measured by the number of awards, stars or stellar reviews you get, but by the number of audience members you make snort throughout your career. There’ll be a ranking on my new site “Snortle”, and I’ll be up the top. #success

Mum. For every 1000 put-downs she gives about my #standupcomedy, she gives one random, #bestpresent ever. I’m perfectly ok with that #ratio. #cobbittymarkets #therockmovie #alcatraz #mum

You have till midnight TONIGHT to #getmetwo and save lives! That’s right, donate tonight to my #thebetterchallenge efforts for #thekidscancerproject and have your gift DOUBLED by generous corporate partners. Get on it Utah! Link in comments!

Scene: #johncena quietly drops this into #dwaynejohnson’s DMs with no commentary. #makeawish #johncenamakeawish

When it comes to #standupcomedy I’m a #maverick & #pioneer. Last Sunday, for an intimate & delightful audience, I did something absolutely #revolutionary and unheard of: I SAT DOWN!! Breaking boundaries, challenging the #statusquo and changing the landscape, any chance I get.

Gotta love a work meeting that ends with colleagues lightly roasting me with words and phrases I most commonly use in the office. Most surprised “never ending of void of despair” wasn’t one of them. #worklife #officelife

It’s weird. When #DwayneJohnson #TheRock says “be the hardest worker in the room”, it’s “motivational and inspiring”, yet when I take it literally and walk into the office with an erection it’s “inappropriate”.