Danny Wallace

I really don't think this man would use the role of Prime Minister for anyone's good other than his own. It's in the national interest to keep him out.

@Lord_Sugar @ronsterd89 Thank you Lord Sugar.

@ronsterd89 I think they are prongs to eat corn on the cob

This is a relic of the past, and only someone who's been around for a while will know what it is!!

Is hair a lady? Are knees men? Plus - 101 of my nicknames! podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/dan…

Let's meet here again tomorrow.

A new season of Celebrity Apprentice could stop all this.

@RavenMentore I stand ready!

You Know i miss this Quirky, Sarcastic Assassin, Shaun "Danger" Hastings best modern day Assassin we could ever ask for with Rebecca Where's the main man and legend? @dannywallace Bring our Favourite Assassin back yeah?

It's 10pm and you might be in bed. This will get you to sleep in seconds. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/dan…

@monstroso Wow! Nice work Charlie!

I told you I had an announcement to make.

@LargestOfAls Hi Big Al! How you doing?

@dannywallace … or have TSA/ICE details him at the airport? :p

Let's just say the King missed his flight

I tell new screenwriters all the time, do NOT give away your talents for free. Do not email, do not text, do not write a single letter without following up with an invoice.

@narorur We're happy for you.

や、ヤバいくらいイイネとコメントが…… しかも海外から…… ありがとうございます！ な、何でぇ〜 写真からして小さい家と思われて、琴線に触れた？？

I liked a load of Japanese artist tweets in a row, and now the translation has stopped working and my entire feed is in Japanese.

@kevin_nealon You did what you could.

Because I'm getting older my audience is getting older. They've had to stop the show five times in the last two years cause somebody collapses. So they turn the lights on and I say call 911. Nobody has a phone because they put them in those canvas bags with a lock. So I gotta call 911. What's your emergency? He says is there a doctor in that room? I said I don't know. I don't like crowd work. He goes is the guy breathing? I've got the mic so I don't wanna be too disrespectful to the guy that could be dead. He said can you get close to him? I said I don't know how long the cord is on the mic. The paramedics arrived and he did die but still I got some good laughs out of it.

I think that's quite enough of you for one day.

@StephenMulhern Hi Stephen. Just watched episode 9 of series 20 of the Apprentice. The gang are trying to find rhubarb and custard sweets on the Isle of Wight.

Sunday night… what’s everyone watching at the moment? Always love new recommendations!

@FrankieWard Sorry to hear that Frankie. What a loser that guy must be.

This happened after the Challengers final. He was not drunk. He was much bigger than me and he swore at me multiple times. I don't mind people sharing their opinions online - Reddit, have at it. But to my face when I'm in my workplace is not ok. Every other person here is ❤️

A lot of harsh and shocking truths exposed today. Not for the sensitive. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/dan…

@effsee_ @Zafarcakes That's his spy codename