Easy Dave

Ladies and Gents, they don’t want to do real journalism because they don’t think you’re worth it. I do. A few months ago a staffer sent me Keir Starmer’s chief aide and strategist Morgan McSweeney’s phone number. I called him today to ask about Keir’s affairs. Morgan isn’t happy.

And if I tells ye to watch every Novara Media and Politics Joe video till yer dancing outside BAE Systems you’ll do it! And by god and by golly you’ll do it smiling lad, cause you’ll like it. You’ll like it cause I say you will! Contradict me again, and I’ll dock your wages.

WARNING TO ALL BRITISH TROTSKYISTS! The newest ‘The Communist’ newspaper has Iranian media on the front page! The Socialist Party do not like this. Please could we all schedule a meeting in London to have a discussion on this. Thanks.

If I ever feel a headache or migraine coming on I tell myself that I’m faking it and it usually goes away. It it doesn’t go away I get drunk, and getting drunk always works.

Israel Twink Massachusetts, Suffolk, Boston Tax Records, 1822-1918

“Flirting” is bourgeois

Despite making his voice heard - looks like this little guy just lost his freedom today. It's a disgrace.

Never cared much about Scooby Doo

@DavelessDave Let her suck ur balls but give her the sack after

My apologies to SSir Starmer. I have since learned that a pesky intern was PURPOSEFULLY fucking about with the exposure settings to make Starmer seem MORE red. I humbly redact this previous tweet.

As part of my role, I of course accept full responsibility for doing bag the other night. However, I was not told by my officials that the bag had an illicit substance in. I have taken action to ensure my officials tell me next time that the bag is illegal and has consequences.

When she’s sucking on your nuts but you’re a gangster

Starmer is only able to convey emotion by turning red. When he’s happy he’s red, sad red, angry red

But the more I think about it, the more I want Starmer to stay. Not only because the alternatives are all so awful – Ed Miliband with his net zero zealotry, Angela Rayner and her unvarnished class warfare, Andy Burnham’s tedious and unconvincing resurrection as a promoter of municipal bus ownership, Wes Streeting with a shallowness that makes a child’s plastic paddling pool look like the Mariana Trench – but as a punishment. The voters chose this dud. They deserve to have to endure their folly, a final and salutary lesson in why one should never vote Labour. ✍️ William Atkinson Article | spectator.com/article/why-st…

ONE THOUSAND YEAR STARMER REIGN GET OFF THE SCREEN ED

i feel let down. i was promised angry starmer and all i’ve been given is “mildly scornful” starmer

The only issue with Children of Men is that there are no inflatable frog people dancing about outside of the concentration camps and throwing dildos about shouting “Dancing is resistance!”

I will not do bag. Bag is the mind-killer