your boy

The Ass That Launched 1000 Shits

when they circumcised me I told the doctor to “keep the change”

CDLs and BBLs

I take shits in toilets you wouldn’t even piss in

my kid’s first words were “should we get a bag”

imagine the epstein files revealing you got framemogged by later years steve hawking

If Andrew Yang just said he was Jeremy Lin he would’ve won

*in an alternate universe* Sorry Dr. Humphrey, but I’m going to need to get a second opinion before agreeing to such a risky surgery. No hard feelings of course, I just need to be sure. I hope you can understand Lil’Jordan

@ChuckDeRond This is a leave it all on the field situation. margarita shrimp cocktail is not out of the question and you just need to accept that now

@DavidABuster yeah im staggering with that and thinking course three is the baked FOS before looking at mains

perfect day for the less fortunate to deliver me treats

@ChuckDeRond You simply have to imagine potstickers make an appearance at some point

@DavidABuster chicken bites to start

@ChuckDeRond don’t be afraid to settle in

@DavidABuster they grounded me today. at the TGI Fridays midway for a late breakie

I was circumcised via erosion

Trump would have crushed the More Cowbell sketch. Christopher Walken could have never won a Stacey Abrams led Georgia….

Soho cobblestones must be a nightmare for twink bottoms who Citi bike to work

The bro Hegseth just hit me on facetime audio and said let’s do the unthinkable this summer

I’m going for a double double tonight (10 green tea shots + 10 points on my license)

call me topical analgesic the way I bengay

The way I act doesn’t really matter because AGI is coming any day now