David Letterman

Donald Trump has said he will end the Green Card lottery. If only he could end the Presidential lottery he was lucky enough to win. #StateofOurUnion

What the Rich Won't Tell You. Ill swap your Fonzie for a one time only, never to be seen again, Ponzi.

Little did they know when the Debt Ceiling hits 20. Parental Discretion Advised.

Trump made me do it. #BadExcusesForDrinking

The Don Nohart Show #Presidentialtvshows

Out Tweet Trump #MyGoalsIn3Words

Planet Earth #YourFired #ElectionNight

#MakeANerdUnhappy Telling them that NASA really stands for Nerds Always Sleep Alone

Donald Trump is set to release the app - TrumpemonGo Using the phone camera you just roam around and throw TrumpBalls at things to fix them.

#MoreTrustedThanHillary Milli Vanilli claiming they are Siri

#IfPoliticiansWereComedians they would hand out blows to create jobs and only ever start wars when the Tivo is stuck on pause.

Gone with the Beard. #MyLifetimeMovieIsNamed

#GetElectedIn3Words Throw Free Lines

#BadJobIn5Words Robbing Peter to pay Don.

I like the night life Baby, She says Let's Go. #LateShow

Donald Trump has entered the - Why did #Sandy bend the crane debate? He would know. Only an expert could keep his bird's nest in place.

#MyBestFriendsAre Paul and Regis.

The secret to my success is that I bit off more than I could chew and chewed as fast as I could. #GoodByeDave

#DavidLetterman is going to retire in 2015. Politicians, Sports stars and anyone that has been on Reality TV are said to be VERY relieved.

#IDidntTextYouBackBecause I did not want the #NSA to read it.