Duck

Please put on my tombstone “There’s no such thing as 1st annual”

If your #GoFundMe pic is terrible, I ain’t donating …

The 90s trend 🔥 #TikTok tiktok.com/t/ZP8bYYEGo/

This is going to make me sound old, but I really miss Twitter circa 2009… before everyone became a full-time political analyst overnight.

Is this the most iconic view in Texas? One of my own photos, taken in November, 2009. Have you ever stood at this spot, looked out on this vista, and, like me, contemplated how vast Texas is and felt inconsequential in comparison?

#AmericanIdol Judges using words like “journey” and “growth”
Contestants hitting notes only dogs can hear
America voting like it’s the electoral college
And somebody’s aunt posting a 9 paragraph Facebook rant about “real talent”

How am I supposed to love this country when it leaves me on read?

All denim. All starch. No stretch. . . . . . #HappyNewYear2026

I see the internet is still wild…

So…. They went crazy for changing the @CrackerBarrel logo but didn’t go crazy when they added booze to the menu. 😂

@ThatEricAlper @DireStraits77 #MoneyForNothing

What’s your “this song saved me” track?

Hey @grok - what is my funniest tweet?

The man! @DerekJStevens Chillin in our @CircaSports suite for the week! @TheDCasino

Come on in! The water is ✨healing and restorative.✨ texasmonthly.com/travel/histori…

There’s only one king and that’s @GeorgeStrait 🤠

@FactsAboutTexas ❤️

Hope y’all are having a great Memorial Day Weekend in TEXAS 🤠

There we are! ❤️

@realDonaldTrump For one day, could you just be professional? This is exhausting.

THE SUPREME COURT IS BEING PLAYED BY THE RADICAL LEFT LOSERS, WHO HAVE NO SUPPORT, THE PUBLIC HATES THEM, AND THEIR ONLY HOPE IS THE INTIMIDATION OF THE COURT, ITSELF. WE CAN’T LET THAT HAPPEN TO OUR COUNTRY!

“It’s my first time on a moving stage” @ZachTopmu See you on the #riverwalk

@tiktok_us made me love strangers. @facebook makes me hate people. @X is lost. @instagram is just advertisements.

My body: Ah, finally we get to sleep. My brain: Did Gilligan ever leave the island?