I hate dead frogs

We need more of this in the world. #KindnessMatters #kindness

can't trust anyone who doesn't have mayo in their fridge. there's something wrong with that.

that mosquito just became lunch to an unattractive brown bat. that mosquito is like, "dang! this is THE worst day ever!"

dishwasher is full ... i'm out of forks. looks like i'll be eating this popcorn with chop stix.

it's popcorn time! good thing i made a trip to the store for mayo. whew!

no one really appreciates the amount of work it takes to dig thru this wall with just a spoon. i am under-appreciated in my time.

sometimes i watch nancy grace just to hear the words, "unleash the lawyers". then i turn the channel.

if i ever wear socks that match, u have permission to smack me between the eyes.

realtors with their faces up on billboards are kind of like local celebrities, according to nancy grace. now THAT is just funny.

there are bats outside flitting around eating mosquitoes. not a good day for them Mos-kwee-tows!

It's proving very difficult to find a shop selling "Left Guard" for my other armpit...

egg salad isn't egg salad without mayo. THAT is the absolute truth. :o/

i covered EVERYTHING in plastic wrap 2day. Typing tweets is harder than I'd anticipated. But at least the keyboard will stay fresh.

my Reconfigure-Your-Own-DNA APP is almost complete. We're all gonna be so F'd uuuupppppp! Mwahahahahhahaaaaaa!

baby hedgehogs R so adorable. but then, baby anythings R usually cute. Except this Leaf-Nosed Bat. I mean, GAWD. ow.ly/i/2dYeG

ok. we're OUT of mayo. WHO runs out of mayo? Mayo totally reproduces in the frige so you never have to actually BUY it! This is just weird.

if only i had a muskrat whisker, a jelly jar and one of those Sham-Wow thingies right now ...

been working on finding myself for quite some years now. i sure wish i'd turn up somewhere.

There's no shame in admitting you've been armadillo bowling. The shame is when you only score 50 points!

it's just too easy to be obnoxious on Twitter. No accountability makes being an A-hole a breeze! I try to just stick with being weird tho.