Devin

Being a millennial is just watching Fleabag and thinking 'I do that!'

I will never ever forgive Charli XCX for that beyond utter shite Wannabe cover. I don't understand why there isn't more anger about this.

@realjoebates Dry toast and a cup of tea. Or if it's too late a meal deal consisting of a BLT, Irn Bru and your own choice of crisps.

If you wake up drunk what steps can you take to avoid a hangover? Pls reply quickly

@ReeceDundridge I prefer to say 'bye' and let them see my smile fade.

@thekareem I remember what a mindfuck it was when I found out she's Sarah in Ab Fab too.

Update on my health: My tonsils are so enlarged that they have been described as 'kissing'.

@kittyhcomedy This is a bad dream.

@Devinwallaceart No. You’re vegan now. Sorry to be the one to break this sad news to you xx

Can I have a bacon roll please someone

When I type 'night' and auto correct changes it to 'Buhari' - when have I or will I ever use Buhari in a conversation? I don't even know what that is.

@realjoebates Sounds like an ad for a cult - not that I would know...

The description of this open mic comedy gig is really speaking to me. I have definitely halved the fun at some nights I've performed at

@realjoebates I really wish they would return to the feel good sound they cultivated in the 90s.

Haven't listened to the new Thom Yorke yet, but I'm excited to hear some interesting thoughts about computers by someone who sounds like a 70 year old furious that they can't unlock their phone

Is it wrong to have a one night stand just because you've washed your sheets and they're not quite dry yet?

If I call you hun I'm referring to you as a member of a warlike Asiatic nomadic people who invaded and ravaged Europe in the 4th–5th centuries.

@dedetrixibelle Bridget Jones: The Edgeware of Reason.

I just full on caressed a man's hand on the tube by mistake.

Me when someone taps me on grindr.

Me as soon as the lift doors close.

My Saturday nights are just me dancing to Mabel with all the lights off pretending that I'm trying to get over a man who never even existed.

@paulwdoctor @VauxhallComedy @TheFreeFringe By that time I might have a decent set together.

@Devinwallaceart @VauxhallComedy @TheFreeFringe Loiks like it'll be the 23rd, by which time you'll probs be a corpse

This Sunday me and Reece McLaughlin are previewing our Edinburgh show at @VauxhallComedy at 2pm. An opportunity for both my Twitter fans to see my tweets read out in real life! See you there!

@dedetrixibelle Well played.