Devon Newport

Wrote this over the course of a couple days while on paternity leave. Usually in between diaper changes. Feel free to add to it in the comments. devonnewport.medium.com/17-beautiful-l…

Some heroes wear capes, some have a bushy red mustache. @devonnewport/my-childhood-bus-driver-was-a-superhero-e012e6174b37" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">medium.com/@devonnewport/…

Stick figure (who may or may not be me) + tasty food + bike = modern day stock torture link.medium.com/fq3m0kXkVxb

A couple of couch potatoes

This is my dog’s friend, Quacky. If it looks like he’s giving me a dirty look, it’s because he is. The other day we all went out to eat and I left him with the bill.

Things you don’t like as a kid: 1. Coffee 2. NPR Things you like as an adult: 1. Coffee 2. NPR

A couple of my co-workers had Lebanese food for lunch yesterday. Today, one of them called in sick, the food perhaps playing a role. The other one, upon hearing this news, said, “I’m sorry to hear that he’s sick.” And then, after a brief pause, he added, “I falafel.”

I know we’re over a month into 2018, but I’m still having a tough time writing 2018.

A few certainties during extremely cold weather: 1. Things will freeze 2. Stores and schools will close 3. A handful of people will still wear shorts

@JoyShepD Haha this is amazing

@DevonNewport I hate myself for whispering “koila!” like a magician while reading your tweet.

*pulls koala out of hat* magician: koila!

Just when I was getting used to saying 2018

*walks into hot yoga studio, begins seductive strip tease* yoga instructor, appalled: what are you doing? *semi-naked, looking up from ‘down dog’*: “not that type of hot yoga?”

Hmm, the last bite of pizza I had was incredibly hot, BUUUTTT it’s been a full two seconds since then, so I think I’ll go ahead and take another bite.

I think the closest I ever come to understanding the sheer vastness of the universe is when my wife asks me to get something out of her purse.

When you realize the dry erase marker was, in fact, a sharpie

Shoutout to the people who quietly go about their work everyday and maybe don’t receive the praise they deserve. Like my cousin’s pet turtle named Kevin.

*Girl cow walks by* Boy cow: hay girl hay

*a rather charismatic ball of yarn

A mostly true story about a guy* I know. grandlittleadventures.com/index.php/2018…