Joe Phelps

@EJFTweets @ademillo And it’s OK, not okay. OK?

@ademillo I'm okay with it, but I'm still keeping AP off my Xmas card list until they reinstate the Oxford comma.

90% of my friends on Twitter aren't happy about this.

@THV11 Absolutely! Junk food leads to obesity, which leads to heart failure, which leads to fewer people who rely on welfare, which leads to fewer taxes unnecessarily taken from my paycheck. Let them eat cake!

Junk food ban for food stamps fails in Arkansas House Do you think people should be able to buy junk food with food stamps?? on.kthv.com/2FrYb9T

New hobby: #gnome collecting.

In King of the Hill, Hank buys a jet ski in one episode. Said personal watercraft is never seen again.

@npfallon An Irishman once slapped me jokingly on the cheek in an elevator in NYC. He was in town for the St. Patty’s Day Parade. I still have yet to forgive the Irish.

A decade ago I never thought I would be at 33 cleaning a bird feeder in a moment of spontaneity woe is me.

@CrucialVRadio @clutchofficial On bass guitar, presenting, Pisces

Happy Birthday to Dan Maines, bass player of the almighty Clutch! @clutchofficial

My Twitter feed sucks and it’s all my fault. Not talking about any old college friends or people I know.

@RealPaigeWWE @peta Your new movie automatically got 5 stars for this tweet.

@arshiak @bonappetit Your photo?

Love this month’s cover story so much. ♥️

Sus scrofa

If I had a nickel for every time I hear a redneck say he’d solve immigration by posting up at the border with a deer rifle, I’d have 10 cents. So far.

My daughter says not to drink milk from the carton because it’s gross. I think it tastes like milk, which is definitely not gross.

@Fritolay I command you to add the Flamin Hot @Doritos to the spicy party mix. Five minutes ago.

@ArkTimes Keep that kid in school. He needs to learn some basic grammar.

KARK reports on a Fayetteville student sent home for refusing to take off a Confederate battle flag hoodie, worn as part of a social media campaign styled "history not hate." buff.ly/2CFD5U8

I wish I were as smart as a teenager. They know EVERYTHING!