Doug Benson

@SallyMayweather I’m excited to never hear from you again.

If a business is marketed as "women-owned" or "black-owned" I immediately refuse to shop there. I don't support identity politics & if you can't stand on merits, you shouldn't be in business anyway.

@Halver08 @talkng_tomyself @SpencerAlthouse Goodbye crazy Halver, and good luck.

@talkng_tomyself @SpencerAlthouse Yes . . . yes you do.

well, this was definitely not supposed to happen lol. Conan O'Brien had no idea they were back from commercial break at the Oscars

@Hermaphro I’d like to have Detroit plans but I got nothing on the books.

@DougBenson Kid graduating/college/sports this spring, but ill go again in 27 for sure. I think we can book it already? You have detroit plans in '26?

There’s nobody on this list that shouldn’t get it, if you ask me.

@Hermaphro Thanks! You gonna be on the next cruise?

@DougBenson Happy 3/11 Doug.

@RansomStoddard1 @consequence It means “the blocking” and now I’m doing it to you.

@consequence What the hell is La Traviata?

Nathan Lane called Timothée Chalamet a "schmuck" for his recent comments deriding ballet and opera. "You know, one doesn't want to give this more attention than it deserves. And yet, and yet, it was kind of kaleidoscopic in its stupidity and insensitivity yet strangely telling about where we are in this country. "First of all, one should remember people will be going to see Swan Lake and La Traviata long after someone at a dinner party says, 'Who was Timothée Chalamet?' It’s the show business circle of life. "And the bigger question is: Why was there a town hall meeting with Matthew McConaughey and Timothée Chalamet? I mean, who deemed this meeting of the minds necessary?" (via The View) 📸: Shutterstock

@WillBloodworth Boom

@DougBenson He also walked out of an AA meeting when he learned the 12 steps had nothing to do with what he thought it did.

I wonder if Quentin Tarantino got excited when he heard about the movie TOW, but lost interest when he found out how it is spelled.

@RedArkGuy Oh right, they treated it like one group.

@DougBenson They are, but alas not the Cherone-fronted version. Hagar said “You couldn’t keep me away [from the ceremony] with a shotgun.” Blabbermouth.net is the source.

INTERIOR DAY * COFFEE SHOP A MAN enters. MAN: Do you sell beer? BARISTA: We have coffee beer. MAN: Does that have beer in it? BARISTA: No. MAN: So why is it called coffee beer? BARISTA: In case someone asks if we sell beer.

@FakeRegDunlop Yes. You do realize I wrote none of them shouldn’t get it, right? Meaning they haven’t gotten it yet.

@DougBenson You do realize nobody did?

@UncleMackle @Loganfreakstomp !

@Loganfreakstomp @DougBenson But does she roll?

@The_Pack_Man_ Well it’s a good thing you gave nothing to do with the process, The Pack Man.

@DougBenson I see 3 HoF acts here, tops.

@RedArkGuy Have the two other versions already been inducted?

@DougBenson Some great ones there, Doug. But where is the version of Van Halen with Gary Cherone?!?

@Hermaphro The hotel I just stayed at gave me room 311. I love when that happens!

@DougBenson 311 gets in or no one gets in.

@andrew_bri13344 I didn’t go anywhere.

@DougBenson Miss you

Ok, anonymous fuckface who should stick to sports.

@MikeOak05280604 Ha

@DougBenson I used to pen rap lyrics under the pseudonym 'Anonymous fuckface' how did u know

@nike_hack Good luck with whatever it is you are.

@DougBenson We can't all be renaissance men who are able to smoke weed AND do comedy.

Thank you, Houston!

Hello, Houston, TX!

@BennyTwoScoops @JoshMalina Congrats on living in New York. I look forward to you never having a thought or expressing an opinion about a mayor of any other city in the country.

@JoshMalina I agree, but again, I say that as someone who lives here. My point is that folks are spending an inordinate amount of time talking about the NYC mayor and I’m trying to understand why.

It seems relevant to me whether Mamdani’s wife endorses rape, murder, the taking of hostages…

@WhiteySwolz @atrupar You need to be addressed.

@atrupar adding the trans stuff is a mistake. The Save Act needs to be a stand alone bill to end Democrat fraud. The trans stuff needs to be addressed, but it should be done separately.

CNN's Dana Bash reports on a convo she just had with Trump: "He said there are now five things in this SAVE America Act that he wants the House and Senate to pass. He said, 'No mail in ballots, no men in women's sports, and no transgender operations for youth.' He added those two."