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(This is gonna be long,) I've never really been vocal about what I'm planning to do with my future in Siege or how I feel about everything that's happened to my career in the past year and my emotions relating to Siege. I have a lot of pent up feelings, mostly regret & sadness regarding the whole situation. I wanna start by talking about Astralis. Getting the news about becoming apart of Astralis was one of the best feelings and high points of my life. Joining Disrupt & being transferred to such a legendary organization with some of my best friends I ever had at that time was a dream come true. Dave, Jack, Shuttle, Alex, Henry, Fruit, Brox, Seth, Kev. The time I spent with these guys was amazing, In and out of game. After being acquired by Astralis, we had a lack luster stage 3 at the end of 2021. Shortly after in 2022 we had one of the most dominate stages I've ever seen, taking 1st place in Stage 1, qualifying for my first major ever in Charlotte, NC. Me and the boys played a play style new & fresh to our fans which they loved, and we had a pretty dominate major to top it off, finishing 2nd place, a loss to Dark Zero in the grand finals. This loss was gut wrenching to not only me but the whole team, because we knew we had so much more room to improve. But, after Charlotte and our short break, things just weren't the same in our game play. In stage 2 of that year, we finished 1st place again, but this time it was much, much closer. I believe after this 1st place we had already qualified for the Six Invitational of 2023. We went to Berlin, and got absolutely dominated, it was a horrible feeling, probably one of the worst feelings you could experience as Pro Esports player. There is nothing quite like that feeling and I'm sure someone whose reading this can agree with me. After Berlin we had some rough team talks, but things that needed to be said were said, and we had a game plan for the next stage and most of all Invite, which we all qualified for. We obviously played pretty bad in Stage 3, and didn't qualify for the Sweden Major. Once again a horrible horrible feeling. The whole team was at fault for this, but the way I was playing was not good enough, the effort I was not putting in was 100%. I completely acknowledge this fact now that I was not preforming up to what I could be. Besides all of that, we had Invite next. I want to express that I have no beef or ill will with any of my old teammates, these are purely my thoughts and how I feel when I continue this next part. I somewhat agree with the decision the team made to bench me before Invite. It still pains me so much to this day that I didn't get to play in the tournament I qualified for. We had amazing growth throughout the year, even though we fell off a bit before the end of the year, I thought deep down that we would press forward, try and fix it together like we did on Disrupt, and the early Astralis days. I love all my teammates still, but it was hard to not feel somewhat betrayed, knowing that everything we grinded and achieved that year, felt taken from me. Emotionally, financially, It depressed me to not be apart of that, It kind of just killed my motivation to keep competing and be apart of siege at all. Some of you will probably think that's a bad mentality to not push through that and strive to be better, but It is what it is. After I was benched, after invite, I tried out for Mirage. I don't even wanna talk about Mirage, that org does not deserve any publicity for how they do "business". An absolute joke of an Org, and an absolute joke by Ubisoft to let them be APART OF THEIR ESPORT. My journey on Mirage was short, but that was just digging a deeper hole in my mental for wanting to continue playing Pro in Siege. Late payments, constant bullshit coming from the owner every day, excuses. I don't really know what else to say. I may try streaming and doing content but I can't really say for sure. It really saddens me that I will probably never play another pro match again, I feel like a lot of people just think I was carried constantly which is a shitty thing to think about my own career, but I don't believe it. Whoever fully reads this, whether you're a fan or a friend, I thank you for your time & dedication towards me and my adventures ❤️ Maybe I'll be back, but only time will tell.
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