DreZ

@mrsjessliv Heard you're having your baby later today...good luck, mama!

@RickShaub Just had to look that up. Not sure which one of us looks lamer...

Finally found my wedding ring after it was MIA for 5 days. Next time, my lady hole will be the first place I look.

Eating boogers is a fun way to recycle!

motorboat my DD labia

@_Buggs_ love driving to that.

@mrsjessliv fern butt, haha.

@mrsjessliv poop crumbs.

Holy shit I think @PaulaDeenVagina might give me nightmares tonight.

Whenever we switch our brand of toilet paper, I have to waste precious minutes agonizing over how many squares I'm now gonna need.

I have to carry around a roll of TP after I eat McDonalds, too. RT @JennyJohnsonHi5 : he's clearly a pants-shitter. twitpic.com/9t6pow

Chilies and Cherries in Dark Chocolate could be the name for a porno, no?

Was buying a candy bar today (Chilies and Cherries in Dark Chocolate) and my 3 yo goes "That's Mommy's medicine, right?".

Just wasted 2+ hours of my life watching Suck,Suck,Suck (Eat,Pray,Love).

@keeperalison hobo band?

@_Buggs_ big day - awesome!

Hope I won’t have to wear one of those carpal tunnel wrist braces like all those other people who masturbate too much.

@mrsjessliv @rickshaub and by long I mean sexy.

@mrsjessliv @rickshaub 14 LONG years...

@RickShaub maybe you get lucky 2nite