Brandon Wardrip

Buckle in. This ones personal. I really thought I was on my way to figuring out how to truly live again. So long in conditions like mine and you do so much damage to yourself and your surroundings, like relationships and prospective friendships etc...you brood for so long in it that it just becomes this fuzzy blanket you have to wear around your heart and mind. Combat Trauma did that... but also, emasculation from the wrong kinds of women when I tried to move on from my divorce, years and I MEAN YEARS of isolation and unmet needs in many areas of life, and misguidance of people that took advantage of my vulnerabilities I experienced when I was honorably discharged...among other things. The world bothers me man. I am not at peace like I yearn to be. I am damned desperate for it at this point. I'm skipping church regularly again, I feel lethargic and don't want to return and be around anyone... I haven't been able to truly sleep for the past 5 days. Maybe 6 hours of sleep or so if that..and it wasnt restful or deep. I don't get that priviledge in my condition. I spent 4 hours just yelling at my screen. Pure stuipidity on a global scale is what I see. No food in the fridge, no meats in the freezer, a few packets of maruchan, some lab manufactured campbells and progresso..i think 1 opened half eaten pack of linguine and a mini pharmacy of prescribed bigtamins, migraine and pain meds, ssris, muscle relaxers, and gut meds.. I don't work anymore. I have tried to, even through my TDIU status. Funny as a disabled veteran my experience out of the military has alwasy been negative and I am usually seen as less than to those I persue or try to be friends with. For so long I am starting to truly believe it...and its killing my soul. I dont even really kjnhow what it feels like to be truly loved by a faithful, loyal woman if at all..not even my marriage was like this. Haunted by a hunger for hatred some days, taunted by the same sand worms that we fought against in Iraq and Afghanistan, on our own fucking soil...blanketed with crippling financial ruin from the responsibility I took on after my divorce so my children wouldn't hurt...which failed.. I'm doing my best. I'm trying and I show up SOMEWHERE each day even if it's here, or to just help my daughter get to and from places. I'm losing much more momentum than I care to be. I don't know why I am writing it here and and I don't know why I felt this was a good idea... but I'm just not good anymore. I'm transforming into someone I don't like and it's beyond my control. A silent, deafening scream in my mind that is perpetual, and only I can hear it. Thanks for reading if you did. This is what broken looks like in my world...and it's only the tip of the iceberg. It's rough out here alone.

@themaddierune You dont need notes, the soul remembers

I didn’t write during the worst of it. I thought that meant I wasn’t a writer. Three years of nothing. Later I understood: I was living the material. You can’t take notes and be inside it at the same time.

@iiizwerg Okay okay. Im up, geeze.

LIVE 🔴 Gooooood Early Morning Stream! twitch.tv/iiizwerg

@Jameson8675309 @SoldiersWhisper Trying my best. My moral compass is crrently broken and my faith is shaky at best.

@DripOfWar @SoldiersWhisper God bless you brother please try to make it back to church

Buckle in. This ones personal. I really thought I was on my way to figuring out how to truly live again. So long in conditions like mine and you do so much damage to yourself and your surroundings, like relationships and prospective friendships etc...you brood for so long in it that it just becomes this fuzzy blanket you have to wear around your heart and mind. Combat Trauma did that... but also, emasculation from the wrong kinds of women when I tried to move on from my divorce, years and I MEAN YEARS of isolation and unmet needs in many areas of life, and misguidance of people that took advantage of my vulnerabilities I experienced when I was honorably discharged...among other things. The world bothers me man. I am not at peace like I yearn to be. I am damned desperate for it at this point. I'm skipping church regularly again, I feel lethargic and don't want to return and be around anyone... I haven't been able to truly sleep for the past 5 days. Maybe 6 hours of sleep or so if that..and it wasnt restful or deep. I don't get that priviledge in my condition. I spent 4 hours just yelling at my screen. Pure stuipidity on a global scale is what I see. No food in the fridge, no meats in the freezer, a few packets of maruchan, some lab manufactured campbells and progresso..i think 1 opened half eaten pack of linguine and a mini pharmacy of prescribed bigtamins, migraine and pain meds, ssris, muscle relaxers, and gut meds.. I don't work anymore. I have tried to, even through my TDIU status. Funny as a disabled veteran my experience out of the military has alwasy been negative and I am usually seen as less than to those I persue or try to be friends with. For so long I am starting to truly believe it...and its killing my soul. I dont even really kjnhow what it feels like to be truly loved by a faithful, loyal woman if at all..not even my marriage was like this. Haunted by a hunger for hatred some days, taunted by the same sand worms that we fought against in Iraq and Afghanistan, on our own fucking soil...blanketed with crippling financial ruin from the responsibility I took on after my divorce so my children wouldn't hurt...which failed.. I'm doing my best. I'm trying and I show up SOMEWHERE each day even if it's here, or to just help my daughter get to and from places. I'm losing much more momentum than I care to be. I don't know why I am writing it here and and I don't know why I felt this was a good idea... but I'm just not good anymore. I'm transforming into someone I don't like and it's beyond my control. A silent, deafening scream in my mind that is perpetual, and only I can hear it. Thanks for reading if you did. This is what broken looks like in my world...and it's only the tip of the iceberg. It's rough out here alone.

@JakeRammos *shoots you first* "Whatever one your new face gap is bleeding on now, loser" 🤣🤣

Gun to your head, name a rock.

@0hour1 Its about time. That fucking slop from the past 12 years of facebook and insta are a real fucking embarrassment to the internet, along wirh those that are still regurgitating that shit.

X won't be paying much for old content videos anymore. The days of recycled horse shit are coming to an end.

@4thOfJuly365 Another underground confrontation? Probably wouldnt be too far off, unless it was something conventionally made by us that involves fracking. No records of it "near" as you put it...AREA 51, so lets go with someones getting fucked up down there.

A swarm of 17 earthquakes just rattled southern Nevada near Area 51 in the past 24 hours. The strongest hit 4.4 magnitude at shallow depths around 2.5-4 km, followed by aftershocks up to 3.7. Hundreds of people felt the tremors. What do you think it was?

@0hour1 So were guns. Why temporary quell a problem when you can instill some discipline with pure pain?

Tasers were invented for these times.

@realpeteyb123 For libs, its the eyes. No soul, no brain, no heart, no morality, no integrity or honor...a severe lacking. For conservatives...its the burning soul underneath hers that tell that story. I am one step away from it myself..total retribution for what was taken from me.

I have no idea if this video is real or AI at this point, hopefully it’s fake, but I know the outfit is real, and that’s absolutely terrible. Her entire PR campaign has been absolutely abysmal.

@Midnightcause I see you, Rider. I am making a note. I did not expect this to be seen by just a few. I have yet to find a moment for myself to reach out privately to people.

First of all, God bless you. 🙏🏼 Second, I'm so glad you said something. I want to help you. You're so worth it! We've ALL been in these bad places and made decisions that made it worse. Unfortunately. But, it CAN get better and it WILL get better and people WANT to help you. DM me anytime! Stay strong, keep moving forward 🙏🏼💗 Reach out, please🙏🏼 I promise

Loss for words. Just checking in. Drive to the VA today. Gonna grab my test and see that counselor. Just gotta make it hour by hour right now. Life is shit when youre reducing it to this. Maybe tonight that rest will come and I dont dream. That would be nice.

@METAPCs Horizon: Forbidden West. I will play that over and over again.

What game made you upgrade your rig??

@Tusk_4Real @SpencerHakimian I was thinking Law Abiding Citizen. Except Gerard actually enjoyed knowing what he did in that role.

@SpencerHakimian People like her make be believe in Manchurian Candidate, Operation Paperclip type shit Theres gotta be something deeply sinister and bureaucratic about her

Insane that none of this is AI

Retweet if you think feckless politicians on either side should stop relying on billionaires to have the resources to do work FOR THE PEOPLE THEY WORK FOR, and to actually stop being corrupt fucking dickheads.

@Amer1can_Barbie The worst part of this story, M2? None of them checked their Microbiome report.

Her: He’s probably thinking about other women… Him: She made me motor boat her massive cannons and gave me a blow job during my lunch hour 😭

@CarolynHen55369 @themaddierune @Tusk_4Real @HelenaM_67134 @realpeteyb123 @Stick4Veterans I think you are right on all accounts. It's not like I haven't been through this before, going on 11 years now, but this time is different. I can't even pin it down and in a somewhat intrinsic way I am usually good at doing just that. Thank you for being here.

First, I'm so glad you continue to reach out. That matters. ❤️ I think it might be time for you to actually talk to @Stick4Veterans. You have ben battling this dark place since we met. I think calling 988 is a wonderful option, and may be warranted from time to time. I think it would be even better to find a counselor, not a PhD. They always throw pills at mental health issues, and for some people, that sh¡t is poison. Speaking of which, I would seriously consider going through those meds with your doc. You might be over medicated, which can drastically affect mood. Follow @MidwesternDoc. Read some of his articles. If nothing else, research your own drugs! 💥 I think it might help if ou show up at a VFW, or something of the like. No matter their age, they've ALL been to war. I think it would help you to seek out some brothers. Please arrange a phone conversation with James. He's alright. 🙂

@ReconJackUSMC Heartfelt Thank you, Marine. I'm not finished, yet.

@DripOfWar You’re overwhelmed, sleep deprived, and processing a lot of *emotions. Those things they call emotions are foreign to us for a long time. Right now, the priority is safety: call or text 988 (we press 1) if you feel you’re losing control. You did the thing by sharing here. 🙏👊

@Daniel233118 Those drivers in question? Elderly, black women, hispanic women, illegal aliens, and anyone that cannot speak more than a few words of english. The rest? Alcoholics or druggies that are dwi. Statistically and literally. The problem? The Democrars that wanted it.

Dash Cam bro, I don't understand how people get their drivers license.

@Rothmus The only way this becomes a question is when someone lacks the integrity to do anything right at all.

Imagine you’re stranded completely alone on a deserted island. In total isolation, with no one else affected, can any of your actions still be considered moral or immoral?