Mark Nolan

@chrisvanderveen x.com/thorntonfire/s…

Breaking Fire burning just to west of I-25 near 84th. Anyone closer?

Jack’s contribution to our move: Add an “F” to every box that says “ART,” and try to convince us it was the movers that did it. 😃 💨

“If I make it to the MLB, how much do you think I would make if I jarred up my farts and sold them on Ebay?” 💨 🤔

Jack [middle of the night, while sleepwalking]: “Mom, I feel really bad.” Mom: “Why hon?” Jack: “Because I didn’t start you in Madden.” 🏈 😴

“I don’t think I’d like to be a cow, because people are always coming up to you and touching your groin.”

“Can we flush five ice cubes down the toilet and wish for a snow day?”

[I explain fans following the Grateful Dead from town to town]: “That sounds dumb. Seems a little bit like stalking.”

Running around the house loudly yelling what sounds remarkably like “Boutros Boutros-Ghali!!” Afraid to ask what he’s really saying.

Holiday Musings: “Would you rather be [Joe Pesci or Daniel Stern’s character] in ‘Home Alone?’” Verdict: Stern, because Pesci took the blowtorch to the head, “and got shot in the nuts” with the pellet gun. Agree.

[From the backseat, out of nowhere]: “Mom? I want to jump off a cliff.” #2weekstoMaui

“Dad, after I win a Superbowl Ring with each of the 32 NFL teams—even the Browns—I’m going to retire and get an easy job like yours. That sound good?”

“Air is pretty hurtless, which is good. Otherwise, we’d be dead from just walking around.”

(Jack finally understands the true meaning and spirit of the holidays): “Hanukkah is the holiday with the little presents, Christmas is the holiday with the big presents.”

“Dad? When I’m grown up, if I play football, would you pick me for your fantasy football team?”

“Hey Dad, I used my brain today!”

“There’s nothing happier than a day full of whiffleball.” #whiffleblessed

"So back in olden times, they didn't have soccer balls--so they used a human head in a bag."

"Dad, pretend the couch is an iceberg and I'm the Titanic." #my_jack_will_go_on

"Charlie Blackmon doesn't really shave his beard very often. Like, not at all."

[at a cocktail party with a gaggle of 60-something ladies, all sitting out on a patio]. Jack: "Duck, Duck, Goose, anyone?"