Dustin The Turkey

I know he thinks he’s no longer the right man for the job, and I know loads of people don’t rate him at all but I think it’s only fair to point out his achievements, I mean he’s only forty five AND he owns his OWN house, not every Irish 45 year old can say that. #LeoVaradkar

I used to find Parrot’s a bit full of themselves with their big coloured feathers and ability to talk, but now I’m just hoping & praying this one does a bit better at The World Cup than I did at Eurovision….where I was robbed, ROBBED I SAY!!!! #COYBIG #OleOleOle 🦜 ⚽️ 🏆🇮🇪🦃

Tonight at 9pm Gogglebox becomes GobbleBox as meself Ray and the two Brits from Zog get to hang out and watch some great telly… #GoggleboxIRL

Breaking News: Following yesterdays roll out of Oasis tickets @Ryanair Michael O’Leary has called it “their finest moment yet” triggering rumours that he is Noel’s choice to produce their next album, though it’s believed Liam would like Price Waterhouse Cooper to produce. #Oasis

I post this and three hours later Joe quits. Coincidence? I don’t think so… You’re welcome…WORLD. #Biden2024 #BidenArasBound

So I’ve had an idea. It’s a goodie. And when I say a goodie I mean it’s an idea that could save the world. Here is my idea… @PresidentIRL why don’t you send @POTUS a WhatsApp and offer him your gig/gaff/title if he quits the race? He ❤️’s Ireland. You ❤️ Peace. Win/Win

Although he abandoned me back in the day I’ve always stuck to my word about NEVER telling anyone why Ray “left” The Den (AnneDoyle). Anyway he’s found a new pal (not) as funny as me and their new pod with ⁦really is #BrilloMcBrillo. ⁦@thejasonbyrne⁩ podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/ray…

Caught up with me old pal Ray last night in Trinity where the Drama Society awarded me with an honorary doctorate for my Outstanding Contribution To Humanity, The Arts & Novelty Records. Massive thanks to the thousands of my fans who came out to say hi. Love you all, Dr. Dustin.

If RTÉ had more Larry’s it’d have more laughs and more love flowing its way. He was the best. #RIPLarryMasterson rte.ie/entertainment/…

It’s World Puppet Day. I’m not a fan of puppets myself and it’s a FACT that anyone who hangs around puppets is a bit weird and to be avoided at all times but if Pigeons (who are 100% thick) can have a world day of their own then puppets can too. Happy#WorldPuppetryDay Y’All!

I’ve sent my plan as incoming Chair Of RTÉ to the Minister. 1. Direct Funding via Tayto 2. The instant return of The Den 3. A pledge that RTÉ News will continue to be mainly about RTÉ. 4. A pledge to stop all future negative reports on housing and National Children’s Hospital.

@Bambiethug I fired all my people last Tuesday but consider me available in May. And I’m happy to fly as carry on luggage so will save RTÉ a few bob. Though this year I hear they’re asking the delegation to walk to Sweden….in flip flops.

@Bambiethug I can’t answer that one on advice of my lawyers, turns out there is a possibility the trolley was “borrowed”, unlike me song which was 200% original. Happy to do backing vocals on the big night if you need a hand.

GWAN YA GOOD THING!!!!! I’ve a spare trolley if you need it for your luggage…. @Bambiethug

@cmatbaby you have ALWAYS been an international sensation, the rest of the world is only catching up….MASSIVE CONGRATS!!!!!

Graham Norton is a massive fan of my work, always has been. He asked for a photo with me and of course I said yeah. Then of course some of the hangers on that you always get around real talent like me & Graham turn up and photo bomb Graham’s big moment. #PoorGraham #LOLIreland

Breaking News: German retail giant Lidl set to rebrand in Ireland as Croke Park Stores. More later….

@Walshie133 GWAN YA GOOD THING!!!!

@DustinOfficial Fair play, another year. I feel lucky too, I was told last week in Beaumont I'm cancer free and today is my birthday 🎂 🤗

PHEW #StStephen

Of all the mega global hit podcasts I’ve done this week this one with @jenhoganjourno is me fav….two great birds, one funny one and one posh one, we’re like Joanne & Vague but without the Brit Licking…..or sold out arenas or the nearly/not really royal husband.