Environment Officer

Funny how many #EnvAgency colleagues choose to "work from home" last few weeks of the year. No need to use up holiday time wink wink #PMQs

CLASSIC: When you're skiving off at the #EnvAgency and you bump into another colleague who is doing the same, and you both go for a bevvie

You won't catch single #EnvAgency Officer out in this weather. Half "working at home" watching Jeremy Kyle and other half browsing net #PMQs

Welcome to the #EnvAgency where you get to do nothing all day every day and still get paid. #Defra #DreamJob

Flood Risk Management have new remote control boats - team of us taking them out to play with. Forget any other duties we have! #PMQs #Defra

Word goes round for volunteers to help locals re weather - NO ONE volunteers. Like hell we're going out in this weather! #PMQs #Floodaware

Group trip to Derwent Reservoir - 6 Env & 5 Fisheries Officers, picnic lunches all round. No reason for visit but nothing else planned #PMQs

2 hr team meeting involving bitching and snipping colleagues and operators. As productive a day as it will get to be honest #EnvAgency #PMQs

Mite throw in 2 hours lunch break and put down just an hour - got some personal errands to run you see. Senior management do the same neway

Again start my shift at 10am and will finish by 4pm, but as usual will put down 9am - 5pm instead. Perks of working at #EnvAgency #PMQs

Accepted £250 off a site operator to provide details of rival's potential clients. Nice little deal that occurs regularly #EnvAgency #PMQs

Carrying out surveillance on farmer I don't get on with - no warrant, no authorisation. Won't stand up in court, but not my money #PMQs

Just got into work - clocking down 9am start though. Need the "overtime" for a flexiday off. MP3 on, coffee and chill browsing the web #PMQs

Waste site in serious breach of their environmental permit. Put a one sentence response on compliance assessment report noting nothing #PMQs

Expenses time. Only done 90 miles, but gonna claim for 320 miles and pocket £45 again. Team leader never checks anyway #EnvAgency #PMQs

Letter from EA Pension Fund: 4 years in the job and already entitled to £3,284 per year pension. I'll retire on £32,840 at this rate #PMQs

Got a call from a resident about a pile of waste on fire at a site. Logged it and forgot about it. Thing has now got worse. Oops. #PMQs

The Environment Agency #EnvAgency - where people go to retire on public largesse. #Dredging

Me and a bunch of colleagues using #icebucketchallenge to bunk off work. Team leaders doesn't care what we do instead. Sweet.

Almost feel like a benefit cheat - paid free money for little to no work. Hope no one else clicks on - now to bilk the mileage system #PMQs