Eelco Smit | Business Coach

Alain de Botton on why the most privileged children become the most ordinary adults: In a culture obsessed with raising "exceptional" kids, de Botton flips the entire script. He argues that the goal of a truly good childhood is to produce someone who can tolerate being ordinary. He explains it this way: "The great thing about early childhood in a good and loving family is that the child is a superstar. You know, they come in, they sing a song, everyone claps, they're happy. In the morning it's like the little prince has arrived, the princess is doing a pirouette." Most people assume that treating a child like the centre of the universe creates entitlement. De Botton says the opposite is true: "Entitlement comes from deprivation. The ability to absorb an ordinary life comes from early emotional privilege." The child who is never made to feel special is the one who spends their adult life desperately seeking that feeling in status, in recognition, in the need to always be the most important person in the room. The child who was made to feel special? They already have that tank filled. "If the child is able to be the centre of the universe in the early years, they will be able to accept without too much psychological damage a subsidiary position in adult life." This reframes what good parenting is actually for. It's not about engineering an extraordinary person. It's about giving a child enough emotional security that they won't be destroyed by the humbling realities of adult life. The overlooked promotions, the anonymous commutes, the slow, quiet days that make up most of a human existence. De Botton puts it plainly: "The need to be always at the centre and always important is a compensation. It's not a sign of health." And the ultimate destination of a healthy upbringing? "To accept ordinariness which is a massive challenge. All of us are in the end ultimately ordinary." The most grounded, secure, and genuinely content adults are the ones who were loved enough, early enough, that they never needed to.

This man literally tells Neuroscience trick to stop negative thought loops.

i regret to inform you that personal growth rarely comes from acquiring new knowledge and almost always from: - getting humiliated - showing up terrified and doing it anyway - admitting you might be the problem